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What’s hiding in YOUR shadows?

by / Tuesday, 30 December 2008 / Published in Uncategorized

During my 30+ years as a teacher, I’ve had the opportunity and good fortune to get to know and in some cases spend significant time with many of the top personal and spiritual growth teachers in the world.

If there’s one quality these top teachers share it’s that they’ve developed their awareness.

As difficult as it might be to believe this, you might even say that awareness holds the answer to nearly all personal challenges. Awareness is closely connected with both intuition and creativity. The more aware you are, the more obvious the solution is to any problem, and the more the daily problems and challenges of life automatically sort themselves out.

The less aware you are, the more it can seem as if there is no solution to the challenges in your life—and, the more likely it will be that you’ll unconsciously attract people and situations into your life that you don’t want. Zen master Genpo Roshi once said to me that what you’re unaware of will inevitably be the place in your life where you’re stuck. Becoming more aware, then, is an extremely valuable undertaking.

As I said in my last post, there are two main ways to increase your awareness. One is meditation, and of course I’m partial to Holosync meditation because it’s faster, easier, and actually allows you to meditate more deeply than traditional methods. I meditated in a traditional way for 16 years before I stumbled upon what eventually became Holosync, and though I received a lot of benefit from my years of traditional meditation, I have to say that I experienced more positive change in the first year of Holosync than I did from my entire 16 years of traditional meditation.

Holosync speeds up your growth, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. In addition to being a huge benefit, this is also the main drawback to Holosync (or any kind of deep meditation). When you meditate, or do anything that causes you to open up to aspects of yourself you may have been unaware of—if you see a therapist, or attend a personal growth seminar, for instance—you discover things about yourself that you may not like. We then resist these aspects of ourselves that we don’t like.

Resistance, though, is something you DO, not something that just happens to you. You “do” resistance by making internal representations (internal pictures and internal dialog, for instance) of what you don’t want. When you do this, you feel bad, because internal representations directly create your feeling state. And, to make matters worse, your mind figures out a way to unconsciously attract more of whatever you focus on—in this case, what you’re resisting.

The second way to become more aware of how you’re creating your experience of life is to watch your mind and observe how it works, which was the subject of my previous post. Since the internal representations we make lead directly to our feelings, our behaviors, and which people or situations we attract or become attracted to, becoming aware of how we do that gives us choice. It allows us to stop creating our experience of life automatically, based on the past and, instead, to create our life by choice, in the moment.

Observing your internal representations takes some practice, but it is well-worth learning how to do. So, again, awareness is a major key to living a happier, emotionally peaceful, and successful life.

One of the things that makes awareness more difficult is our tendency to push out of our awareness certain things we think are wrong or inappropriate. Though we sometimes feel better in the short run when we do this, over the long run it creates all kinds of problems. What we repress or push into the basement of our awareness is eventually expressed anyway. Even worse, what we repress or disown is expressed in covert and dysfunctional ways, creating serious problems.

An extreme example might be a straight-laced fundamentalist preacher who is caught having sex with underage church members. In repressing what he thought was his sinful sexuality, he ends up expressing it anyway, but in a covert and dysfunctional manner. This is also an example of how focusing on what we don’t want causes us to create more of it. By focusing on “I don’t want to be a sinner,” the preacher ends up creating or attracting more of what he thinks of as sinful. His sexuality ends up hurting himself and others.

We all repress or disown normal human qualities that we think are wrong or inappropriate. Many of the difficulties we have in life are the result of these disowned parts, which many psychologists refer to as shadows. When repressed, these shadow parts come out in immature and dysfunctional ways. By repressing them, we actually end up creating, attracting, or expressing more of them.

In working with hundreds of thousands of people over several decades, I’ve found that nearly all human unhappiness is connected to disowned or repressed human qualities. If a certain area of your life isn’t working, you can be sure that there is a shadow part involved.

Shadows are areas where we are unaware, and re-owning shadow parts creates more awareness, which gives us more choice. Increased awareness turns out to be the key to making your life better.

In this post I want to share an interesting way to look at this phenomenon, a game we teach all new members of the human race, called The Game of Black and White. As you’ll see, when you become aware of how you play this game, you’ll be able to choose how to play it, and in doing so you’ll eliminate a great deal of the suffering in your life.

In every society there is social agreement about which aspects of us are “wrong” or “bad”. There is, of course, variation from family to family. What one family sees as “wrong” might be okay in another family. Excellence might be a positive quality in one family, while in another the child who excels might be told, “Who do you think you are? Do you think you’re better than other people?”

Whatever our family’s values, we received negative reinforcement when we exhibited certain qualities and positive reinforcement when we exhibited others. We learn that it isn’t safe to express what our family or our culture consider to be negative qualities. To keep ourselves from expressing them, we disowned them, which means that we pushed them into the basement of our consciousness, out of our awareness.

As I said earlier, we don’t ever really get rid of these repressed shadow parts. They leak out anyway, appearing in our life in covert and dysfunctional ways. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that pretty much everything that bothers you in life is the result of your disowning some aspect of life.

Let’s say that for you anger is a bad thing. Because it’s bad, you resist it in others, and you resist it in yourself. However, like a balloon, which when squeezed in one place pops out in another, the anger expresses itself, in one way or another.

Perhaps you’ve made anger wrong or bad because your father’s anger was painful for you when you were small. It also wasn’t safe to show your own anger toward him. He was bigger and stronger and he didn’t like it when you disagreed with him. So, you repressed your anger. You also decided to avoid angry people. After all, you don’t like them. And, they scare you.

Ironically, when you disown anger in this way it becomes a central feature of your life. You see angry people everywhere. And, when you encounter an angry person, you’re strongly (and negatively) affected by him or her. Angry people really bother you, even if you aren’t the one they’re angry with. You’re afraid of them and you’re angry about them.

A person with no anger-related trauma, however, and who therefore has not disowned his or her anger, sees the same angry people—after all, they aren’t invisible—but isn’t triggered by them in the same way you are.

For you, though, life seems to be a constant stream of angry people. How do all these angry people find you? By disowning your own anger, your attention is drawn to the angry people, and you’re less likely to notice or be attracted to people who aren’t angry. Because your father’s anger traumatized you, you’re on the lookout for it, so you can avoid it.

As I’ve said many times, focusing on what you don’t want actually causes you to create or attract more of it. So, even though it’s the last thing you want, you attract angry people. And, when you encounter them, you’re powerfully affected by their anger.

Everyone can plainly see that you have a lot of anger—everyone but you. You, however, don’t acknowledge—or even realize—that you’re angry. You’ve disowned it. It’s a shadow. For you, it’s out there, in others. You don’t see it in yourself. You’re against anger, because it’s such a bad thing.

Ironically, even though you’re against anger, you often express your disowned anger to others in covert and dysfunctional ways. Perhaps you’re late for things you really didn’t want to do, or fail to do what you say you’ll do because you really didn’t want to do it. You may avoid responsibility, make excuses, or blame others. Perhaps you’re “conveniently forgetful.” You might complain a lot, use sarcasm, make cutting jokes about others, or be sullen or stubborn. And so on. In one way or another, your disowned anger is expressed.

In other words, you’re passive-aggressive. You express your anger, but not directly. You can’t express it directly because you’ve disowned it. It’s still there, though. And, in addition to being unpleasant for others, you suffer, too. Your own disowned anger eats at you.

Believe me, I know. Anger was a huge shadow for me before my years with Holosync. Not only did I attract angry people—who really pissed me off—I had so much anger that passive aggression wasn’t enough for me. I lost my temper often, and defended my anger when it was pointed out to me. Those other people were being assholes when they were angry, but I had a good reason.

And, of course, anger isn’t the only thing you could disown and repress. I’ve just been using anger as a common example. You could also disown fear, or selfishness, or thousands of other qualities. You’ll likely disown anything your parents or other authority figures didn’t want you to express: wanting, happiness, sexuality, joy, sadness, aggression, pride, intelligence, the urge to be noticed, neediness, being good at things, feeling like a victim, or thousands of other human feelings and urges.

A positive quality can also be a shadow. When you see a negative quality you’ve disowned, it triggers you in a negative way. When you see a positive quality you’ve disowned—for instance, charisma, kindness, leadership, talent, or intelligence—you’ll put the person who exhibits it on a pedestal. You’ll adore or admire that quality in others, but you won’t see it in yourself. You’ve disowned it.

In fact, it’s a general rule that all qualities—disowned or not—exist in all people. And all of them, no matter how positive or negative they seem, are normal human characteristics.

In the last post I made an extremely important point, that when you’re unaware of something you don’t have choice about it. When you’re unaware of a shadow, you don’t have choice about your emotional reaction to it—you just react. And, you have no choice about how you express that reaction. And, you’ll also attract—unconsciously—a constant stream of people who exhibit the shadow aspect you’ve disowned.

When you become aware of a shadow and re-own it, you have choice over it. You move from unconsciously being it to consciously having it. As I gained awareness of my disowned anger, angry people stopped triggering me, and I stopped attracting so many of them. I still notice them, but now, instead of being triggered, I feel compassion for them. That doesn’t mean I like to be around them, or that I don’t see the harm they sometimes cause—or that I might not intervene if I see an angry person abusing another person.

The difference is in my own emotional state. Angry people no longer throw me into a negative emotional state because I’ve re-owned my own anger. I’ve also stopped expressing anger in covert and dysfunctional ways. Anger, which used to be a huge problem in my life, is now just another normal aspect of being human. It happens now and then, but it doesn’t run my life.

Here’s another key point, and it’s connected to what I said a moment ago—that all qualities capable of being disowned exist in all people. When you re-own a shadow, what seemed to be a negative quality matures into something positive. Immature, reactive anger, for instance, might turn into a mature and reasoned unwillingness to tolerate injustice. Narcissistic selfishness matures into mature self-love. Every shadow has a mature form, and re-owning a shadow allows you to express that quality in a mature and positive way.

Now that you have a basic understanding of shadows, I want to introduce you to a game we teach to every new member of society as soon as they’re old enough to understand it. The game is called The Game of Black and White, and the main rule of the game is that White Must Win. This game is actually about shadows, so let’s take a closer look at it.

To play the Game of Black and White a person first must learn to divide everything in the world into separate things and events. We learn to do this so well that once we’ve learned it we never question whether separate things and events actually exist other than in our mind. Your common sense probably tells you that of course the world is full of separate things and separate events. All you have to do is look around.

But let’s look at this idea more closely, because it has a lot to do with the Game of Black and White, with shadows, and with your own happiness and inner peace.

As soon as you were old enough, your parents taught you the names of things. This gives us the idea, first of all, that there is something called a “thing,” and also that a thing and its name are synonymous. Let’s look at why this actually isn’t an accurate way to see the world—useful, in many ways, but not accurate—and why this way of thinking leads to some basic life problems.

Think of a bee and a flower. The flower is rooted to the ground and the bee buzzes around it. Everyone knows that a bee and a flower are two separate and individual “things.” But are they? You never see flowers unless there are bees, and you never see bees unless there are flowers. They go together. Bees and flowers need each other. They’re one, interconnected, organic system, what a physicist might call a “unified field.” You can’t have bees in isolation, nor can you have flowers in isolation. Bees and flowers exist in relation to each other. In that sense they could be seen as one organism.

Then, of course, there is the soil the flower is planted in, and the bacteria and worms that live in the soil and contribute to the nutrients the flower pulls from the ground. That’s part of the system, too, as is the air, with a certain mixture of gases needed by both the flower and the bee. Of course we also need a planet a certain distance from a certain kind of star, with the right temperature, and the right amount of light, the right amount of air pressure, and the right kind of cosmic rays that allow the flower, the bee, the worms, the bacteria, and so on, to exist and thrive.

And, that star is found in a certain kind of galaxy, which is part of a system of galaxies, and so on and so on. Pretty soon you begin to see that this bee and flower system actually includes everything—that the entire universe is one organic, interconnected system, flowing along like water. Mentally dividing the world into separate things and events has its uses, but those divisions are ideas about reality, not the reality itself. In truth, everything is connected to, and dependent upon, everything else.

Thinking of the world as consisting of separate things is just that—a way of thinking about it. In fact, as philosopher Alan Watts used to say, a “thing” is a “think”—a unit of thought, as much of reality as you decide to get your mind around in a particular moment.

Again, I’m not against dividing things up. In fact, it’s obviously very useful. It’s when we forget that all the divisions are actually made-up, though, that we get ourselves into trouble. In fact, though it might not be obvious to you right now, whatever difficulty you might be having in life can ultimately be traced back to the illusion that the world consists of separate things and separate events. Stick with me here and I’ll explain what I mean.

The next thing I want you to understand is that where we make these divisions is arbitrary. Where a division is made—how things are sliced—is really just a matter of social convention and utility. The divisions we think of as being so real are not intrinsic to reality. They are extrinsic. We add them, from the outside.

Let’s look at an example. How big is the sun? In other words, where does the sun end and something that’s not the sun begin? Usually we say that the sun consists of its visible fire. Once you get past the visible fire, you get into something that isn’t the sun—outer space. But you could also say that the sun consists of the extent of its heat. Doesn’t that make sense, too? By that definition, the Earth is actually inside the sun, and the boundary is somewhere out in space, at the point where there’s no more heat.

But we could also say that the sun consists of the extent of its visible light. Under that definition, the size of the sun extends one light year for every year it has been shining, and it’s becoming larger in every direction at a rate of 186,000 miles every second.

So where the sun ends and something else begins is entirely arbitrary, something agreed upon by social convention. There’s no such thing, in isolation, as “the sun.” Putting a boundary on it, just as with the bee and the flower, is a way of thinking about it, not an intrinsic characteristic. And, in fact, all supposed “things” could be seen in the same way. Your skin could just as well be seen as what connects you to the rest of the world as what divides you from it.

What about separate events? As an example, let’s look at the question of when you began. Was it when your mother gave birth? Maybe. Or, was it at conception? Or maybe it was when you were just an evil gleam in your father’s eye. Or, when your parents were born. Or when their parents were born. In fact, we could keep going back in this way until we get back to Adam and Eve.

So you can see that when an event begins—or ends—is also arbitrary. In reality, everything is one huge, interconnected, multi-dimensional ongoing event, flowing along like water in a river. What we think of as separate events are all connected to each other and all go together, just like the bee and the flower. It might be convenient to chop things into separate things and events, but nothing is really separate from anything else.

So now let’s get back to the Game of Black and White. Once we’ve fallen for the supposed reality of separate things and events, we’re taught to divide those supposedly separate things and events into two basic piles. Some things and events go into the “appropriate,” “good,” or “White” pile, while others go into the “inappropriate” or “bad” or “Black” pile. Then, we bring in the main rule of the game, which, as I said, is that White Must Win.

When White—what we think of as appropriate, desirable, or good—“wins,” we’re happy—at least temporarily. But when what we’ve put in the Black pile seems to win, we feel unhappy, frustrated. If you stop and think about it, most of your life—most of everyone’s life—is about trying to get White to win and trying to avoid having Black win.

Here’s the problem with this game: White can never overcome Black, though we play the game as if it must. Good must overcome evil, we think. Life must overcome death. Having must overcome not having. Happiness must overcome unhappiness. Health must overcome illness. What we want must overcome what we don’t want. Pleasure must overcome pain.

You may have already realized that just as the bee and the flower go together, Black and White also go together. In other words, “good” is defined in terms of “evil.” Without evil, how would you know what is good? Good only makes sense in contrast to evil. In the same way, “having” makes no sense except in terms of, and in relation to, “not having.” Life makes no sense except in terms of death.

The same is true of happiness and unhappiness, pleasure and pain, health and illness, clarity and confusion, here and not here, light and dark, empty and full, and all the other Black and White pairs of opposites. They’re all defined in terms of each other. And, they all go together. You can’t have one without the other any more than you can have a one-headed coin.

In each case, you wouldn’t know that the White side even existed if it weren’t for the Black side, in the same way that you don’t feel your stomach unless it feels bad, or you don’t experience your eyes unless there are spots in front of them, or something else is wrong with them. Until its opposite comes into play, things are invisible, unimaginable.

Now it’s certainly possible in any given moment to have more of one side of the equation than the other, but you’re never going to totally get rid of the side you don’t want. That would be impossible, in the same way that you can’t have buying without selling, or up without down. Just try to make everything in your house “up.” You can’t, because up and down go together.

You can, though, have more good than bad in your life. This depends, as you might imagine, on how aware you are. Those who are unaware unconsciously attract more of what they don’t want. But you’ll never get rid of one side of any polarity, because both sides go together.

What is more, as I described earlier, where one side of each pair of opposites ends and the other begins is totally arbitrary. Where does up end and down begin? Where does good end and evil begin? In reality, they’re one thing.

(Just as an aside, let me give you the real secret to all metaphysics: opposites look as if they’re completely separate and at odds with each other, when they really go together and depend upon each other for their very existence.)

Any division you make, then, is conceptual, not real, and where the division is made is just a social convention. So, as I said before, it might be useful in some cases to divide things, but to avoid problems you must remember that you’re making it up. All divisions are ideas about reality, but not reality itself.

And please don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying that you should just passively allow bad things to happen, either to yourself or other people. I am saying, however, that when you make certain things wrong, you disown them in yourself. Then you attract more of them, create bad feelings for yourself, and exhibit these disowned qualities in covert, immature, and dysfunctional ways. And who wants that?

So why am I making such a big deal about dividing things up, and especially about this Game of Black and White? What’s wrong with wanting things to be a certain way? Well, nothing, if you do it gently, but most of us don’t. The truth is that to be here, to be a human being, you’re going to prefer certain things to other things. I’m more concerned about my children than yours. I’m more concerned about my car than yours.

To be human is to want certain things. Without desire you wouldn’t eat or come in out the cold, or procreate, and the whole human race would come to an end. But when you play a really hard version of the Game of Black and White, where White must win, and where you strongly resist what you’ve placed in your Black pile, you set yourself up for suffering.

Why? For one thing, you’ve put yourself in a double-bind, an un-winnable situation, where you’re trying to get rid of or defeat something that can’t be gotten rid of or defeated. What you’re resisting is, first of all, just an idea, and second, can’t be successful resisted anyway, since it’s one side of a coin, and you can’t get rid of it without getting rid of the other side, too.

Disowning a certain aspect of your self—what I’ve called creating a shadow—is a result of playing the Game of Black and White. If you’ve experienced some sort of trauma, what you associate with that trauma will go into your Black pile. You’ll disown it in yourself and dislike it in others. And, unless you’re aware, you’ll focus on avoiding it, which will cause you to attract or create more of it and express it in covert and dysfunctional ways.

The more trauma (fear, anger, shame, disappointment, etc.) you suffered during your childhood, the more likely it will be that you’ll play a hard version of the Game of Black and White—in other words, the more likely it will be that you’ll have a lot of shadows, disowned parts. You could also say that you’ll be more easily pushed over your threshold. This means that you’ll focus on what you don’t want more often—which, if you’ll remember, you do by making internal representations of what you don’t want.

When you focus on what you don’t want, you feel bad, because all bad feelings are caused by focusing on something you don’t want. And, because your mind take what you focus on as an instruction to create or attract more of it, you’ll unconsciously attract or create MORE of what you think is Black, more of your shadow, more of what you don’t want.

If your father frequently yelled at you and then spanked you when you were small, this was probably a traumatic experience. If, in the present, another authority figure—your boss, for instance—yells at you, it’s very likely that you’ll mentally attach the traumatic memory, particularly the negative emotions, to your boss. You’ll drag the past trauma—or rather, your idea of it—into the present and associate it with your boss. When he yells, you’ll feel the same fear you felt as a child.

Authority figures, then, particularly those with more aggressive personalities, are part of your Black pile. Focusing on avoiding them causes you to feel bad. It also causes you to do subtle things, outside your awareness, that actually attracts them into your life and draws their attention to you.

Even worse, if authority figures are a shadow for you, you’ll exhibit the same qualities you don’t like in authority figures, but in a covert and dysfunctional way. You might be bossy, stubborn, arbitrary, controlling, merciless, or opinionated. These qualities will come out in covert and dysfunctional ways, and everyone will see them—except you.

If you re-own this shadow part (in other words, if you acknowledge that like all humans you have these qualities in yourself, and stop playing such a hard version of the Game of Black and White around authority figures), the immature version of these negative qualities will mature into something else—leadership, perhaps, or wisdom, or mentorship.

What causes you to re-own a shadow part—or, you might say, take a particular game-piece off the game board in the Game of Black and White—is awareness. As long as you are unaware, this entire dynamic will operate on autopilot, and you’ll suffer the consequences. Genpo Roshi’s Big Mind process, where you allow a disowned voice to speak, is an effective way of re-owning a shadow part of yourself, which is one reason why I’ve strongly encouraged you to attend one of our workshops.

When you speak from a disowned voice, you become aware of it. Once you become aware—once you’re able to see how your shadow expresses itself, internally and externally—this awareness causes it to mature. You stop expressing it in a dysfunctional way and begin to express it in a mature way (since all voices exist in all people, you will express it—you might as well express it in a mature way).

As I said in my last post, you can only do something that isn’t resourceful if you do it unconsciously, without awareness. When you become aware of something you are doing—when you are able to observe it as it happens and see the consequences, as they happen—it becomes very difficult to keep doing it if it doesn’t serve you.

Also remember that awareness is not the same as merely knowing something. Awareness is watching the actual creation and seeing the consequences as they happen. Knowing is just an intellectual activity. Knowing is the booby prize in personal growth.

I would suggest that you spend some time discovering some of the key shadow elements in your life, so you can re-own them. Or, to put it another way, to identify the major aspects of life you’ve assigned to the Black pile in the Game of Black and White, and to begin to notice how you play the game. That awareness will cause you to re-own the disowned parts. In the language of the Game of Black and White, you’ll stop playing such a hard version of the game around certain aspects of your life.

So sit down and make a list of the “negative” qualities that really trigger you emotionally when you experience them in others. You might be triggered when someone else is sloppy, stupid, dishonest, sexually perverted, selfish, conceited, angry, stubborn, controlling, disorganized, critical, unreliable, show-off, etc. What really bugs you in other people? List these, then put them in order, with those that trigger you the most at the top of the list.

You might also create a list of the main qualities you have in your “White pile”—what you think of as good, desirable, and appropriate—and those qualities you’ve assigned to your “Black pile”—what you think of as bad, undesirable, and inappropriate.

Then, take each quality that triggers you (or each quality you’ve put in the Black pile) and speak from it, either out loud or in writing. See what that disowned part has to say. Let it out of the basement so it can express itself. If you’ve disowned being a victim, let the victim in you speak. Everyone feels like a victim once in a while, so let the victim speak. Whatever the disowned voice is, it has something to say, and allowing it to speak gives you awareness about it. And with awareness comes choice.

When you do this, the areas of life where you tend to experience a lot of bad feelings, or where you repeatedly experience outcomes you don’t like, will shift. Believe me, this is possible, and when it happens, it will blow your mind. The positive change in your life will be huge, I promise. As I’ve done this in my own life, I’ve changed in ways I never could have imagined. Negative feelings and outcomes I’d lived with for decades faded away. My sense of well-being increased tremendously. Decades later it still continues to increase.

The same thing can happen for you.

Before I go, I want to remind you to come and be with Zen master Genpo Roshi and I in Los Angeles on March 7th and 8th. Because of the difficult economic times, we are offering a huge discount for this workshop. Those who have attended the others we’ve done have described them as “life changing.”

Though we seem to be facing tough and challenging times, and you may not be able to do a lot about that, you can do something about your response to what is happening around you. The two things I’ve found to be most powerful in allowing a person to remain happy and peaceful regardless of external circumstances are Holosync and Genpo Roshi’s Big Mind process.

Please do come and spend a weekend with Genpo Roshi and I that is sure to change your life. I want you to be one of the truly resilient ones who make it through tough times easily. Just go to to reserve your spot. If you bring a friend you save even more.


(click the player above to listen to this post)

79 Responses to “What’s hiding in YOUR shadows?”

  1. Jim says :

    Thanks for another insightful post, Bill. It’s easy to forget a lot of stuff you read, and repetition is the key to learning and then applying it.

    It’s also easier to learn when you get to apply it directly in one’s life. I can see how my own shadow material is effecting my moods at this time.

    Going to do the exercise this afternoon!


  2. Bob Hughes says :

    Hi Bill,

    Maybe you have a way to use “focusing” to become aware of these “Shadows.”

    You write:
    “Also remember that awareness is not the same as merely knowing something. Awareness is watching the actual creation and seeing the consequences as they happen. Knowing is just an intellectual activity. Knowing is the booby prize in personal growth.”

    I liked Genpo’s way of role-playing by speaking as the “Shadow,” of say, “the immature selfish ego.”

    And somewhere in your other writings you refer to Eugene Gendlin’s book, “Focusing.”

    I’ve been studying his book.

    I KNOW that these “Shadows” lurk within,
    but I’ll be darned; I just can’t genuinely find that
    “immature selfish ego” or Gendlin’s felt-sense of the fuzzy sense of what all of this problem FEELS like in my body.

    I’ve tried to use “Awareness Level 1” CDs to get in touch with a “felt-sense” or the voice of one of these dark “Shadows,” but so far I’ve about turned-up “empty.

    The best I’ve done with Holosync is to open up a vast empty space, where these problems are but little dots, little stars perhaps, back in the periphery of this universe.

    This, however, is a long way from getting a Gendlin “handle” on a “felt-sense.”

    Any further suggestions?

    FROM BILL: You’re telling me that you are unable to feel anything in your body? That’s all a “felt sense” is–you feel, say, pissed off about something, and you stop and feel that sensation in your body. As for a shadow, they’re easy to find. Anything that negatively triggers you in others is a shadow. If messy people piss you off, you’ve disowned your own messiness. If perfectionists bug you, you’ve disowned that. If people with a lot of money piss you off, you’ve disowned what Genpo Roshi would call “the marketplace,” or something related to that. Whatever bugs you in others represents a shadow.

    And, if all your problems seem to be little dots in the periphery of your awareness, sounds good to me. That just means that you’ve owned the shadow parts that used to make those things seem like problems. All you have to do to own a shadow part if observe it with awareness, and since Holosync creates tremendous awareness, you’ve probably been doing it all along.

  3. Terry Heart Solomon says :

    Hi Bill,

    what a pleasant surprise, I wasn’t expecting to hear from you given that we’re in the holiday season. This was a good post with excellent practical advice.

    Thank you.


  4. Boy at Heart says :

    Well, yet again a post comes along on this blog that seems to be in synergy with what I am doing. For the record I am a Holosync user and just received lesson 12 of the Success Solution LPIP course to finish off the year.

    Just a couple of weeks ago the episode of my music blog and title of the week’s song was “Don’t be Afraid of Your Shadow”. However Bill Harris is able to explain this in far more depth than me.

    Thanks again Bill for a great last post of 2008.
    I wish you and all the readers of this blog a very successful, fulfilling and happy 2009.

  5. Hi Bill…I am so glad that you’re doing workshops on the Shadow. This is truly Spiritual work and imperative if we want peace and understanding with our fellow man. I’ve been doing shadow work for years (life-long work!) and each time I integrate a part of myself that I’ve projected onto someone else, I can feel the energy that I’ve given away, return to myself and I experience a wholeness I had not felt before (regardless of the pain involved!). By contacting my shadow, I’ve developed an understanding of human nature that has allowed me to see the beauty that had been obscured by my projections. The rewards of this work are truly treasures for ourselves and for the planet. Thank you for all your wonderful work and I LOVE HOLOSYNC! Wishing you continued success in the New Year.


  6. WolfieGirl says :

    Thanks for this great reminder of owning all our selves. Just want
    to add that I have found dream work a great practice for owning all
    aspects of the self, both for myself and many others.

    FROM BILL: Something that bothers you in a dream is often evidence of a shadow.

  7. Edmund says :

    Hi Bill,

    Thanks for your powerful ideas and they are helping me to live life intentionally rather than by default.

    I’m begginning to embrace the negative experiences of my life instead of disowning them.

    Keep up your wonderful research work to improve our lives and for your demo meditation CD.


  8. Paul says :

    I’ll use this opportunity to, first of all, thank you for another great and positively insightful post. With one Big Mind seminar, several Big Mind sessions under my belt, and a great book I’m reading by Connie Zweig called “Romancing the Shadow”…I am just getting started on my work with my shadows.
    All of this stuff has brought me to a level of peace I can’t begin to describe. Learning to let whatever happens be okay is a beautiful concept. Thank you for all the work you do and your ability to clearly explain these concepts.

  9. Hi Bill,
    I just wanted to let you know that your timing of topic discussions is awesome and is perfectly synchronistic with my process of using Holosync and practicing witnessing and owning/reclaiming shadow selves.

    After listening to your previous post, where you so eloquently explained the process of witnessing, at least 6 times, (repetition really helps me stay AWARE), I found myself witnessing my behavior while interacting with a friend.

    This friend and I have a love/hate relationship and both of us seem drawn to each other like moths to the flame, as we do our duality dance. I have noticed for some time that my “issues” with him, the things I object to about him and I admit complain about, are the very things in myself. It’s really my projection on him and me not taking complete responsibility for me.

    And while we were together I had this amazing flash of awareness that he and I have been playing a really hard game of black and white and are both adamant about being “right”. Well you can imagine the fireworks of personal conflict.

    Except when I had this awareness flash, I saw immediately myself acting this out and thought, now THAT is interesting, this thing that I do with him. And I thought why do I do that? One of those Hmmmmm moments.

    So, I was so excited about this that I had trouble falling asleep that night, even after Holosync-ing, because, now I KNOW KNOW, really understand know, on a gut level know, that this really is a construct illusion, hologram sort of thing, and we are making it all up, creating our life moment by moment. Or at least the picture/label we decide to filter it through of how to believe about people and interpret things in our world.

    Since then my life has accelerated in profound and enriching ways. I was pretty happy before and didn’t think I could that much happier and at peace, but I am.

    My business is suddenly exploding. I am attracting the “right” people to me now, that I wasn’t able to do before and I KNOW that as I practice witnessing I will get better and better at watching and staying conscious while I am acting out the behavior.

    I have been practicing witnessing more and have changed my focus to ONLY focus on those outcomes that I want in my life. I do catch myself creating images or thoughts and words in my head of the previous unconscious behavior that did not serve me and am able to interrupt this and flip back to the new script.

    This event started an upward spiral, which feeds on itself. So instead of spiraling downward I began spiraling upward and outward in an expansive kind of way, building on the awareness.

    I feel as though I have been reborn.

    Also, I noticed that many of my NLP re-programming cards of intentions etc. that I had been using contained the word WANT. And like a hammer to my head DUH, I saw something I never noticed before, even though I review these daily.

    Intellectually I know that intention statements need to be in the present tense, and the light bulb finally went on in me and I SAW and realized that all this WANT-ing got me exactly that – in a state of WANT and not HAVE -as in “(fill in the blank) is happening NOW” of my intentions.

    Thank you all for reading this long post (or not) as it feels wonderful to be able to share and I hope that my experience is of assistance to others.

    If you haven’t started using Holosync yet, I would ask you, why hesitate? If you want different results than what you have always gotten, in my opinion Holosync is the most effective thing I have ever found in my 53 years of being a SEEKER.

    But the “catch” is taking responsibility for everything, which I admit is a whole lot easier to talk about than actually do, and is certainly not for everybody, but to me the benefit is totally worth the effort.

    Thanks again Bill – You’re the best!
    Jeannine from

    FROM BILL: Your new awareness of your dynamic with your friend is a true breakthrough experience. This is the sort of awareness that leads to tremendous positive change. Good job.

  10. marie says :

    Bill i realise my darksides but it feels i cant do anything ab out it. I have always out of miney enven my kids are poor i dont have enough ro support them neither myself. i am always in debt. altways want to study as it give me pleasure, makes me feel i get some attention. My second husbaND SYA AL I SO IS SPENDING MOENY.
    he dont clean his house or amintain it. is that also a dark side of mine. as i grow up in a poor dirty cluttered house.

    FROM BILL: Instead of trying to change things, be aware of how you create them. How you feel in each moment, how you behave, and the people and situations you attract or become attracted to are all a result of what you do in your mind–the internal representations you make, what you focus on, what you believe, how you decide what to pay attention to and what to delete from your awareness. Right now you are doing all of these things unconsciously, without awareness, and they are creating your life. When you do them with awareness–when you watch these internal processes as they create your life–whatever does not serve you falls away. This is the subject of my first online course–how to become aware of what you are doing inside that creates your moment to moment experience of life. Awareness is the key to having choice about your life.

  11. Thankyou, This perfect for I am now experiancing the Terrible things I would like to happen to certain Leaders, which causes me to seperate the policies from the man, and that watcher upon the Cathedral reminding me to Practice Forgiveness for Both he and myself. In AA my favorite phrase is,”acceptance is the Key. For me that means both for them as well as my responce to the situation. I must continually abide in the Space of Love And Compasion for we are all connected in The Web Of Life, The Field of All Possibillities. Life is a particpatory endeavor. We who do not ACT to Create our Lifes Leave it to chance, but not really for there is always the Soul to guide us and to, in the words of Spike Lee, “WAKE UP.” Thankyou for Your Wise Words. Damian Harvest

  12. Brian says :

    1. So, awareness is good, and unawareness is bad, right? :)

    2. The ultimate New Year’s resolution, the “resolutions of resolutions”, would be to become more aware. No other resolutions are really necessary.

    3. I’m trying to come up with ideas as to how I can help my children learn to play a gentler game of black and white as they grow up and become adults (hopefully).

    Thanks for sharing, Bill.


    FROM BILL: I did not say that awareness was “good”. Awareness is resourceful–it leads to outcomes that serve you and allows you to see (and stop creating) potential outcomes that do not serve you. Awareness creates choice. When you are unaware you are an automatic response mechanism, without choice.

  13. Brian says :

    Previous post should read “resolution of resolutions”.

  14. Jim says :

    Bill, Last night, after reading your blog, I went and meditated on my shadows. I had been feeling extremely depressed after losing my job, realizing also that my entire industry was contracting as well. As are many others. Yet, this morning I felt more energized than I have in a long time. I searched for the causes, within myself, that have helped to ensure my failures in so many areas. While I don’t remember most of these internal causes as I fell asleep soon after beginning my meditation, the holosync meditation disc didn’t stop just because I had fallen asleep. I know that I am a work in progress, and that progress will never stop thank God, but I have found ways to begin the process of allowing myself to be successful. No matter how hard the times, once we focus on where we want to be, instead of worrying about the fix we are in, we grow in every way. Thank you very much for your timely blog. Peace, Jim

  15. lisa marie says :

    Well, I have been working with the dive and immersion cd’s for 2 years now and I am wondering how the other cd,s helps my brain further my mediation using my own messages, and was wondering, Bill if you had to choose the class over the cd’s, would you take the class/or go to the next 3 levels, I would like to do all of it, with the economy not sure what to do.

    I thank you for the shadow information, I will take some of my shadow stuff and put light on it, lately I have been not attracting anything undesirable, some women issues, which I am thinking about while I write this message. Trust issues with women and other information, things that I make bad, just thoughts and thoughts can be changed.

    I really appreciate all that you have done for me this last year, when ever I felt the wave of panic in the matrix, I would go to the holosync cd’s and return to consciousness, that I am not all these negative thoughts or feelings. Calms my mind. Centers me and I can stay focused on what I choose to. I really want more this year!!!!

    Lisa Marie

    FROM BILL: If I had to pick between Holosync and my online courses (which I wouldn’t want to have to do) I’d pick Holosync. Holosync has changed so many people’s lives (including my own) that it has to be one of the most amazing things on Earth. [By the way, anyone can sample a free preview lesson for my online courses at

  16. Steve W. says :

    Hi Bill,

    It seems that these Shadow parts of ourselves have multiple layers. As time has gone on since beginning meditating and exploring my inner/outer worlds, many of the trigger issues have come to light and have been improved. (A process that has been sped up considerably with Holosync and Big Mind) However, as awareness deepens, new and previously unseen aspects (layers?) of the same shadow come into focus and new and previously un-experienced levels of well being also appear.

    My pondering is whether there is an end to this or is this a path of never ending deepening of experience? My feeling is that it is the latter. Each discovery another step along an endless path of increasing awareness, experience, learning and growth. Thank you yet again for such a powerful and helpful teaching. May you have a wonderful year.

    With a deep bow,


    FROM BILL: In my opinion (and according to Zen master Genpo Roshi), there is no end to it. You will always have shadows. By the way, since you mention Big Mind, I think Genpo Roshi’s work is one of the most potent ways to re-own shadows, and I strongly urge anyone reading this to come to one of our workshops. See

  17. Persephone says :

    Thank you for the well stated post on one of my favorite subjects. Interesting that you write, “an EVIL gleam in your father’s eye.” The word “evil” is not usually in that expression. I point this out to benefit your awareness.

    FROM BILL: Persephone, it’s a joke about how repressed Christians who think sex is sinful describe a man’s lust for a woman.

  18. Jordan says :

    These articles are helpful — thank you. They would be a bit easier to read if there were occasional headings to visually break up the text.

  19. Grant Fergus says :

    Greetings Bill,

    solid as per usual. :) Awareness being the key to everything struck a chord with me. The more you are a slave to your mind’s way of doing things aka unaware/unconscious the more futile things can seem.

    The more aware we can become the more we can taste the infinity of life through the shifting of perspectives and growth and expansion through conscious choice.

    Identity with our minds/ our maps of reality; being the territory an’ all, is the voice of dysfunction and limitation, it’s what says no!

    Awareness and identity with that part of you that can choose despite the mind’s resistance is where vast opportunity lies through the ability to choose in the moment.

    Easier said than done but worth every penny ;-)


  20. Visvas says :

    If we always have shadows how does it help that we own those shadow parts? I know that deeper and unresolved issues that were previously not in my awareness are beginning to show themselves. It is at times difficult to look at them. I see my self repress them because of the painful realization of what and how I have been creating my world. What do you suggest I do with this resistance and emotional upheaval?

    FROM BILL: Owning a shadow part creates many positive changes. You stop being bugged by that characteristic in others. You stop expressing it yourself in dysfunctional and covert ways. That characteristic matures into something more resourceful. You gain CHOICE over that part of your life.

    When an area is difficult to look at, that is a sign that it is disowned. The solution is to allow that aspect of yourself to speak. Become that part of yourself, and just that part. If the disowned part is anger, for instance, become Visvas’s anger, and allow that voice in you to speak: “I am Visvas’s anger. I am angry about ____.” And so on. See what that part has to say. See what it thinks about being (finally) allowed to speak, to come out. You can also do this in writing.

    When you do this, you become aware of a voice that was previously disowned and outside your awareness. This awareness alone creates a huge shift. The more you allow a voice to speak, the better.

  21. Ali says :

    Hey Bill – You are a very helpful guy , Thank You!! I have all your blog posts on my iPod , it is often like a Lighthouse in the night when I need some redirection. A perfect companion to Holosynth.

  22. Sandra R says :


    Happy new year and thank you for this excellent post. I had just finished my Holosync session today when I checked my Email and received your blog post notification.

    The post is excellent material for growing in self awareness and learning what I can do to deal with my shadows. You anger example is exactly the shadow that is the priority for me. Thank you for the in depth information and instruction. I consider your post my first gift of 2009!

    Best wishes!
    Sandra R

  23. Sam says :

    I was really inspired by this post and, once again, it seems as if it came in divine timing. I am currently working quite a bit with my own shadow material and have made some pretty amazing strides forward in my own personal growth–I have also noticed “family shadows” transforming as well–and have noticed a greater depth and ritchness to life that I haven’t experienced since I was a young kid. I remember how it was when I was little, wherein it seemed as if the day shined with aliveness, and for quite some time now I have been in despair because it seemed–unless I was stoned–that this quality of aliveness was gone forever. Although I don’t have nearly the appreciation for life that I did when I was little, I have little glimpses or tastes of this more and more often which makes it all worth it. I am thinking of writing a book soon regarding my shadow and its re-integration into the whole and, although I’m not quite sure how the set and setting of the story will unfold, I am sure that this will be a big hit. Previously I thought that there was no way that my life would ever amount to anything because success was reserved for those who had the magic touch or who could raise their vibration or whatever, and now to actually conceive of turning this shadow stuff into something productive makes me glad to be alive. I still have a lot of work to do however now it seems that perhaps I can start looking at things like an adventure, and the “work” that needs to be done can be seen as a dance which includes everything.

    I am also wanting to attend the next big mind workshop, however I have no money to put forth right now. I have a possible solution to this, and am wondering if perhaps you’ve considered something similar. I’m wondering if perhaps scholarships might be offered to select individuals, which could be determined by sending in some form of proof that big mind would really make a huge difference in the person’s life; if nothing else these could be collected and turned into testimonials or other such marketing. I’m also wondering if it might be possible that a person could pay for big mind by the value brought to the workshop. For instance I’ve been working with a system known as voice dialogue–described in your post in a way–and I feel that I would have a lot to contribute to the group dynamic. I can’t speak for any other people, however I do believe that very few others are interested in serving the whole as I am, and I also find it unlikely that most people would put their own intentions aside for the greater benifit of the development of the group. These are a few of my thoughts, and if not the next time perhaps they might be taken into consideration for future sesshins. And perhaps I’ll show up in spirit anyway, which will be entertaining for sure; at least a lot of shadows will be cleared. :-) Until we meet again on the path, may you and yours be well.

  24. Chel says :

    I am beginning to do the exercise and I don’t see characteristics that really bother me and I don’t know exactly why. Part of it is probably what Neale Donald Walsch said in Conversations with God, that people only do what they think they need to do to get what they think they need to get and part of it is likely my almost 3 years with Holosync. On the level of individuals I always see things in this way. I don’t know if I am hiding shadows more deeply or if I’m getting beyond them. Is it useful to allow various emotions a voice and see what comes up?

    I am also wondering how the idea of shadows fits in with the larger issues of caring for other humans, animals and the planet. Is there a difference between the reaction of someone owning their shadows and someone not when, for example, learning about a corporation which has put their profits over human life and the health of the planet?


    FROM BILL: So, big corporations that put profits ahead of people bother you? There’s a shadow involved, Chel–an aspect of yourself you’ve disowned. How about George Bush? Shadow. How about murderers? Shadow. How about sexual perverts? Another shadow.

  25. Deborah says :

    Thank you Bill for your gracious offering of such helpful information with ‘no hype or strings attached’. I commend you – I love how to elaborated on the various points with principles that extended well beyond usual examples. Very useful.

    The saying, ‘when the student is ready, the teacher will come’ is too perfect. It has taken me over 40 years to see and acknowledge my shadows. I was totally blind and justified my resistance by blaming others…or creating situations to deflect responsibility. But today, your wonderful article and one other process of self examination opened my eyes (awareness) to what I had been up to. Boy, I sure was creative. Now by being brutally honest, I see a host of bright new opportunities with my existing business that I thought were dead. I am amazed at how resourceful I have been all these years at maintaining my attachment to these restrictive attibudes. But then as you say, there are two sides to a coin and now because I can see and acknowledge these traits I can now move forward with more awareness and ease and in turn help others. I feel a million tons lighter. Yippee.
    ~ Happy New Year

  26. Richard Ward says :

    Excellent post Bill. I do not have Holosync but I am thinking about getting it. I have heard good things about it. I have come to this awareness to where I believe that we are but extensions of the mind of god. In other words we are god or the divine, or whatever label one would like to put on it. I believe we exist in two states. Spirit and our physical being. Spirit or very very fast vibrating energy field housed in a very very slow vibrating energy field called our bodies. Our bodies at some point go away and are no longer able to effectively house our spirit but our spirit does not die, it simply rejoins like energy and possibly at some point will again be housed in a slower vibrating energy field. Most, I believe from my observance don’t really realize who we really are. They simply exist in this dual state and do what they do. We are god. Everything is. The house we live in to the car we drive, everything is because it all came from god or the original creator to begin with. Its all this wonderful energy. Energy never goes away it just takes new form, to eventually form something new.

    Being aware of who we really are 24/7 is a job at first. But after awhile it gets easier.

    Peace and love

    Rich Ward

    FROM BILL: This sounds more like a set of beliefs, Rich, something you read or heard. They are ideas about reality, instead of a direct experience of it. This is why we meditate. Instead of believing something you heard about or read because it sounds good, makes sense, someone you admire said it, etc., the idea is to find out through direct experience what is true.

  27. Lisa says :

    Bill I have been using the Holosyn CDs for almost a year and daily listen to the Dive. I love them and I am taking 2 different classes on meditation or meditating. I have to say I found you Holosyn CDs on accident looking up the meditation information long before I started the classes and bought them.

    I also just so happen to be reading a book a friend gave me on Focussing and sensing the changes in the body. This last Blog is really blowing my mind. I actually left the book in my car and I am not sure its the same book someone wrote about in the above blog, but it sure sounds like it.

    I also have to say that the CDs have greatly helped my with my anger issues recently and I notice a difference in myself if I don’t listen to the CDs.

    I was recently told by an exboyfriend I am still friends with that I have an anger management problem and I did not deny this but I did say this has definitely changed for me over the last year and every thing I have been through in the last year if I only have an angermanagement problem then I should he happy or ok with it.

    I was in a severe car accident last October T-boned by a large pick up truck in my new Grande Prix I had for a total of 3 months. I pretty much almost died in. I now have a rod and screws in my left leg, a plate in my left forearm, a small scar on my face and both of my eyes were turned in. One did heal on it own but I had to have surgery on the other eye to pull it out but it will never have the range of motion it had before. I also had internal injuries and many other fractures.

    I had no idea what happened for 3 weeks after the car accident due to a brain injury on top of all this. People would say I was lucky to be alive and not paralyzed. Ok, I do agree with this but it was not luck! I am also a Individual Living Skills Trainer for people with Traumatic Brain Injuries and this was something I did before my accident.

    I also thought some of the people I worked with were just lazy and using their disabilty to be lazy. Now I was on the same side of the street and new exactly how it was for them. The thing is I new I had to do what ever it was to get back to the way I was. Before the accident I read all the time and worked out and I was just getting into yoga and mediation and I truly believe that I was not doing these things I would not have come through this whole ordeal the way I have.

    Now when someone says I was lucky they get an earful from me. I am lucky I didn’t kill anyone, I am lucky I am not paralyzed. I am lucky it was me and not my son who at that time was on his way to Iraq.

    Now I am lucky I can focus, I can meditate, I have these CDs and I am back to by administrative job, my Individual LIvingskills job and I am going to school online for nutrition and exercise and I still work out and go to yoga classes and have time and remember to use my Holosyn CDs regularly.

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    The CDs to get deeper into my reading has helped with greatly with my classes also and this has motivated me in everything I do and helps me to get through many different problems and worries. One thing I have also learned most people are on antidepressants now a days and do not even try to get through things with holistic ways first. To me, this is trying to get through things the easy way.

    I have read the Secret a couple of years ago and watched the movie, I also read the Celestrine Prophecy and have the book on CD and listen to this over and over when getting ready for work. I believe all of these things help me. I am happy to say I am on no medications except for vitamins. I have no memory problems (except for the actual car accident) no sleeping problems or depression problems and I highly reccommed these CDs and some day I will be at one of your lectures.

    Oh and one more thing, I did listen to your lecture CDs while driving for the first times when I started back last April after I got my new car and went back to work. I did not want to listen to music for any distractions but I did need to have some distractions to help me focus and these were definitely positive educational distractions.

    Thank you for helping me get through all of this, help me in my spiritual growth and my meditation.


  28. Dee says :

    Working with our Shadows

    My boyfriend kept making loud noises with his mouth when eating and I told him to keep it shut. I used to think my father was really rude at the table with his eating habits. Another time we were in foster care while mum had medical care in hospital and one of the foster family told me and my siblings off for eating sloppily and to keep our mouths shut. She seemed so disgusted with us and this really affected me.

    Bill, how do I deal with this practically? Or have I already by identifying the above about dad and the comments made to me when young? I’m trying to get at the nitty gritty of dealing with each aspect and I am using this as an example to you.

    I’ve only been using Holosync about 25 days now. I noticed anger issues coming up when I had missed a session like one of the previous comments. However, I feel calmer, happier, more in control of my life and really looking forward to good stuff happening for me. I also try to focus on what I want and internally see what I want to happen. Thanks Bill.

    FROM BILL: Anytime a certain quality in others triggers you it represents a disowned part of you. If loud eaters bug you (they do me) then I guess you need to decide how big of a deal this is to you. If you speak from the voice of the rude eater, or something like that, and re-own that aspect of yourself, it won’t bug you so much, but it probably won’t stop anyone from doing it. You will notice it, but not be triggered.

  29. Ian says :

    Great post, Bill, and very useful information on how to change things. My sister was just here for a holiday visit, and we spent a great deal of our time speaking about how we attempt to move out of a very abusive upbringing. I’ll be sharing the post with her, so thanks from the both of us!

  30. John Wood says :

    Hi Bill
    Thanks again for a great blog post.

    I am writing with a query I have been holosyncing for a while -Purification L1 – and have experienced huge changes in my life through the program. I have left my 28 year career and started my own businesses and changed my lifestyle dramatically!

    Here is my problem – my wife has OCD and part of the affects are some dysfunction in our relationships – she will withdraw for days and cut me off emotionally and physically – this Xmas she told me of her latest symptom – she hates the thought of me touching her or being intimate in any manner and she refuses to go to counselling (we did some marriage counselling 4 years ago – the last time this flaired up). My reaction was mild compared to the result in the past but never-the-less I am feeling rocked!
    The shadow in this -I am so ANGRY and find it hard to even like her right now – I feel horrible, I have felt physically sick at times and my first thought is to give up on the marriage (of 28 years) since I have had to deal with her intimacy issues all thru the years! ( Her father was an abusive alcoholic who abused her mother physically)
    I am angry that she refuses to seek any help other than a wait and see attitude! I am sleeping in another room at the moment since I get angry lying next to her and cannot sleep!

    I attended grief counselling and anger management last time (my father and granfather had just died as well as my daughter having cancer!) we had this flair up and basically I am lost as to what to do next!
    I feel abandoned, unvalued and angry at what I have borne for many years!

    Can you see a clear point of shadow in this – I find it hard to pinpoint what it is that is firing the feelings but I do know I am ANGRY!


    FROM BILL: It would probably be valuable to speak (or write) from the voice of anger, of abandonment, of grief, of the victim, and anything else that makes sense in that area. Maybe the voice of intimacy, since her lack of it is bugging you.

    Another way to look at this, and what will be the subject of my next post, is to look at beliefs. We tend to attract people into our lives that allow us to be right about closely held beliefs. What do you get to be right about when this happens? That no woman will ever be there for you? That no one loves you? That no matter what you do you can’t get what you want? When this happens, how do you complete this sentence” “I knew it, _______!” Once you figure out what belief you’re proving is true, you can watch yourself do it. Since you can’t do something that doesn’t serve you AND do it with awareness, doing this will make it very difficult to keep doing what you’re doing to prove that you’re “right.”

  31. garry says :

    g,day BILL,you do have alot to say!!! and you DO say it so well i can listen to you 4 hours!!! and often DO thanks again,,,ps BOB PROCTOR AND JACK CANFIELD BOTH TWITTERED ME you should try it

  32. sunny says :

    Hi Bill,

    great post as always, your writing still blow my mind and have helped me grow yes with Holosync. Let me wish you a Happy and wonderful 2009 and keep up the great posts and Holosync.
    I have a question for you in your write up:
    “Then, take each quality that triggers you (or each quality you’ve put in the Black pile) and speak from it, either out loud or in writing. See what that disowned part has to say. Let it out of the basement so it can express itself. If you’ve disowned being a victim, let the victim in you speak. Everyone feels like a victim once in a while, so let the victim speak. Whatever the disowned voice is, it has something to say, and allowing it to speak gives you awareness about it. And with awareness comes choice.”

    When you say speak from it are you saying like the Genpo Roshi of speaking as the voice i have his DVD by the way the whole thing. In which case my second question is would I then have to start the way Genpo Roshi take access to the voices from the Gate Keeper and other Major and Security Chaps guarding everyone.

    best wishes

    FROM BILL: I do mean to speak from the voice in the same way Genpo Roshi suggests. No, you don’t need to speak from the other voices, though doing so isn’t a bad idea.

  33. What a lovely post. Thanks for such a thorough look at our conditioning with the black/white game and the practical tips on how to release ourselves from the inevitable stuck-ness of the binary.

    I especially enjoyed your suggestion about speaking (or writing) from the voices of all of the qualities that ended up on one’s personal black list. It reminds me of J. Ruth Gendler’s “Book of Qualities.”

    Here’s to boosting awareness, accepting the shadow(s), and making positive change in 2009! Blessings.

  34. David says :

    Bill, Question, I have a business and there are things I need to do to make it grow, I know what to do but not taking action to do it, I have this constant fear which holds me back. i have been fighting it for several years, when I do take action steps…I will pull back just at the point which I will hit that goal. I have recognized this for along time intellectually. So should I write down specifics of the fear for my shadow to give it a voice.

    David Maryland

    FROM BILL: You might want to speak from the voice of fear, the voice of success, the voice of persistence, the voice of action, the voice of the one who is free of fear.

  35. Sharon Gocke says :

    Thank you for the blog. Will you be offering a discount on the BEST DEAL Holoysync program soon? I would like to continue, but a lower price would be most welcomed. I’m taking the online course and using the first CD of Dive and Immersion. The end of the first 4 months is coming up soon, but I would like to take advantage of a deeper discount for the entire CD program. $1799 is daunting. Since you and Genpo Roshi are offering discounts, pehaps you can do the same for the Holosync program. Sharon Gocke

    FROM BILL: The $1799 price is already about $1200 off the regular price, but that offer expired Dec 31st. If you call TODAY, they might still give it to you.

  36. Supertortz says :

    Hi again Bill,

    I am on Awakening 3 and of course love it. I believe this level is really getting at my shadows big time. I have an anger issue. I also may have deeper repressions which have manifested in dreams (and waking life), but nightmares from time to time seem to be very revealing. I believe I can handle it (I do not want to repress anything), but I wonder even the really “BAD” stuff in a dream-could it possibly be a disowned part of the self? What if it is a universal bad, not just a personal bad-like for example you dream you witness a murder? Or you dream you are being pursued by a murderer? How do you reconcile these possible really dark parts? Any practices you recommend? Love, supertortz

    FROM BILL: Speak from the voice of the murderer. EVERY voice exists in all people. Everyone has the capability to be a murderer, even if most of us would never actually do anything about it. If the murderer (or the pervert, or any other voice that would be in any person’s “Black pile”) is disowned, it will show up in SOME way–as it is in your dreams. At the very least, speaking from the murderer will give you more compassion for such people–even while you would do whatever you could to stop them.

  37. Hi Bill…Oprah has recently experienced the fall re her weight issues. Should I assume this is Stage 4? She is very much aware of how she thought she was above it all and this will be discussed on an up-coming show. This would be such a perfect time for Roshi to present “Big Mind” on Oprah. Maybe now she would be open to it. I don’t recall anyone of her guests talking in depth about the Shadow. It would be great to see both of you on that show!



    FROM BILL: No, having a weight problem, or being brought back to earth by something has nothing to do with these five stages. These are stages of awakening. To have a fall from grace you have to first be experiencing yourself as the transcendent, all the time.

  38. Larry Kostroff says :

    Hey, Bill–

    If there was a “you”, and there was a “me”, I’d thank you for your brilliant
    posts (“thinks”). I’d also tell you that, at 84 years of age (I know, I’m really several billion years old), anyway, I’d be quite happy (and the suffering which will make happiness possible) to finally reach the 3rd Rank and take a deep breath letting out a gentle humming. But in trying (ego function), and knowing that everything is impossible, I am just going to continue using holosync (just entering Awakening 2) with no purpose in mind and continue reading your blogs because they make me feel good–I chuckle quite a bit–not in resistance to what you say, but for no reason since nothing has any meaning. Thank you–you really are brilliant in a Black and White world; that’s my choice in my separative existance. At least I’m not getting a headache from trying (there I go again) to understand the process any deeper. With affection, Larry Kostroff

  39. Wendy says :

    Thanks, Bill for addressing the shadow and black/white game again. I’ve looked at the subject before, with Debbie Ford and her work, but it’s easy to forget about (ignore/avoid is probably more true) and sllip back into old patterns. I can say, and must THANK YOU, for Holosync. I’ve noticed that I’ve become a calmer, nicer person since I started 1.5 years ago (now starting Awakening 3), emphasis on I, myself, noticing it. This year at my annual review, my manager actually put the thought in writing that my sense of optimism has improved and I became more “personable” in 2008. FINALLY the outside world has noticed and documented it (a plus in the corporate world where jobs are lost and what’s in your review is taken as truth.) Now to focus on keeping a cleaner desk – there’s a shadow in their somewhere on why I have to keep so much stuff around me.

    On the financial front, I have an issue with holding on to savings, and I tend to spend more when I have more. A big WOW came to me today when I read your response to John Wood on 1/2/09, with the paragraph “That no matter what you do you can’t get what you want? When this happens, how do you complete this sentence” “I knew it, _______!” LIGHTBULB. I realized that I no matter how hard I was trying to hang onto my money and work on making more, I was thinking “I knew it. I can’t handle large amounts of money and I don’t deserve to be rich! I was proving it true by blowing $$$$ mindlessly. So I will continue my Holosync and work to be more aware of my money habits. Since, as you wrote, you can’t do something that doesn’t serve you AND do it with awareness, doing this will make it very difficult to keep doing what you’re doing to prove that you’re “right.” So true.

  40. scott says :

    It’s interesting that we gain benefit by splitting ourselves more into multiple voices when in reality it is all one.

    FROM BILL: By speaking from what are really illusory “parts” we become aware of them. What you become aware of, you have choice over. What you are unaware of controls you. So by being unaware of the parts we split ourselves into, they fall away, since whatever does not serve you cannot remain IF you are aware. Playing the Game of Black and White is a processes of deluding ourselves that “black” and “white”–two ideas (not two realities)–actually exist. Becoming aware of this causes us to see the delusion. Once we really see it, it disappears.

  41. Julius Ko says :

    Hey Bill,

    Great post as usual and I hope you’ve had a great new years; etc! Welcome to 2009. Now, I’m currently reading ‘Boomeritis’ by Wilber; and I’m noticing my reactions.. to some of my friends Gen X/Y; and some of my colleagues; moreso Boomers; etc.

    And I’m like WOW.. BIG ego.. and major flatland.. seems like Green mixed with Red.. pluralism mixed with narsicism… and then I’m like; YA; I gotta get away from these people =)… could that be at least partially disowned? or am I just feeling ‘uncomfortable’? But.. uncomfort implies shadow; does it not?


    – Julius

    FROM BILL: Does sound disowned, doesn’t it? Could it be that Boomeritis is disowned in many Integral/Ken Wilber fans? In Ken himself? Yikes!

  42. Sandra Q Woosley says :

    How should I interpret one person pissing me off? You know, there are just some people that do that. I get along – or pretend to – with this person. Unfortunately they consider me a good, close “friend.” I have contact with this person regularly – none of it initiated by me.

    When the caller ID comes up with the name it sets off that “pissed off” feeling in me and I seldom answer. I try not to hurt this persons feelings because they are sort of handicapped. They keep trying to involve me in their life. Sometimes I refuse point blank letting them know I have no interest in their events & then I feel bad because I can see I’ve caused hurt feelings. Other times I do an obligatory lunch or attend a birthday party. Frankly, I do as little as I can.

    There is no way I can cut off this acquaintance who went to school with my husband but has attached themself to me. They will call 4 or 5 times in a row – or in a day hoping to reach me. My husband calls them my “butt buddy” and tells me my voice changes when I do have to talk to them. Where I’m usually nice & friendly I become agitated & cut them short.

    Is this a “shadow” of myself? I do not have feelings like this about anyone else. There are people in our circle that I can do without & I will avoid contact with them unless the occasion calls for it – but none of them set off feelings like the above person. But none of them try to “make” me be their best friend.

    I guess I really want to know how to deal with this person/situation. I swear to myself that I will be much nicer to them because I really don’t like myself when I’m rude or blunt with them…but those “pissed off” feelings rise up and “the devil makes me do it!”

    FROM BILL: It most definitely is a shadow. You need to figure out what about the person pisses you off. Their hadicap? Neediness? Something else? Get clear on what quality bugs you, as it IS a disowned part of you. Speaking from this voice in you (which, being disowned, may be hard to find or hard to speak from, at first), will create a big shift for you. The fact that this voice is disowned is, I’m sure, causing it to manifest in covert and dysfunctional ways, one of which is the distress you feel whenever the person appears again. We all have such people, believe me.

  43. Paul Cowburn says :

    I have been in the program 1 month. Previous to that I trained in EFT, an energy psychology approach to healing in which I am now an amateur practitioner.
    My question comes from a curiosity about the effect of Holosync on the energy system. I have noticed a stimulation in my body in many places which I know is energy circulating. You talk some about the energising affect and less need to sleep.
    EFT is purported to be a fast cure for many illnesses, allegies, phobias etc., and states that at least 85% of dis-ease is caused by a disruption in the body’s energy system, often trauma induced.
    I was wondering therefore what effects we might expect from Holosync on curing the physical body.
    I am aware that people who feel well generally are physically well and you Bill as well as your many Holosync students talk alot about your wellness from a Psycological standpoint but it seems to me at this early point in the program and after reading your extensive support materials that the body should follow suit in a very positive way. For this reason would it not make sense for this program to be used as part of an Holistic approach to wellness or do you see it as a stand alone modality?
    I think what I am trying to get at is an understanding that Holosync might well accelarate the healing ability in serious disease. ‘Feeling good’ is the gateway to healing as most of us are aware but its not easy to feel good when illness brings all those shadows out to play!
    Kind regards from a new student. Paul (UK)

    FROM Bill: Nothing stands alone. Everything is part of one continuous, connected thing. Yes, Holosync does strongly affect heath and well-being, and stress-related disorders (which includes quite a number of things) are positively affected.

  44. Kevin says :

    Hi Bill,

    You mention that all voices exist in all people. I guess that opens up an infinite number of possibilities for the expression of people’s personalities.

    Does this infinite potential of expression extend to abilities/talents? In other words, do all abilities exist in all people? If they do, are people’s varying strengths and weaknesses the result of a mechanism similar to the Shadow?

    Happy New Year,


    FROM BILL: Obviously many abilities are to some extent based on inborn qualities. Some people are smarter, or have greater inborn talents. However, training and experience also plays a big role, and if something is disowned it probably won’t be developed to the extent it could be. You will improve at anything that you practice, whether it is a physical skill, and intellectual skill, or an emotional skill. As you practice anything, larger portions of brain real estate are devoted to that skill or talent. Even for a person with a low level of inborn talent, the possibilities for success are huge, if one is willing to pay the price by practicing.

  45. ade says :

    Another solid, interesting essay!

    Overall, I strongly agree with what Bill is saying. But I think a few of his statements are over-the-top at best, and he didn’t say some things that should have been said.

    “Where a division is made – how things are sliced – is really just a matter of social convention and utility.”

    As far as this applies to the behaviour of individual people and how human society is structured, there is a lot of truth to this, and this way of thinking is in fact common in university humanities departments, as Ken Wilber points out. But Wilber is certainly right in saying that this is not a fully mature way of thinking. And I would go further and say it’s really just a silly overreaction to conventional thinking, and tends to be wildly and incorrectly extrapolated to the whole show. I think that few top flight physicists would agree with that statement as regards their field and even fewer top flight mathematicians would accept it as regards their field.

    Roger Penrose would be a good example. As a pure mathematician, he is a Platonist, which means that he feels his job is to DISCOVER (not create) mathematical truths about real mathematical objects, and that mathematics is certainly not a matter of arbitrary conventions and utility. And as a physicist, I think he would also strongly disagree that physics is just a matter of social convention and utility.

    But having just claimed that there are real and significant differences between the objects which make up the subject matter of physics and mathematics, I now want to emphasize the opposite point of view as regards the awareness/unawareness distinction.

    Bill seems to be claiming that in the Game of Black and White, awareness should be put in the White pile (it’s necessarily GOOD) and unawareness should be tossed onto the Black pile (it’s inherently BAD).

    I would rather claim that there is a continuum between awareness and unawareness, and that unawareness is not necessarily a bad thing, nor is awareness entirely a good thing.

    When I was younger, I think I would have agreed with Bill. I basically idolized awareness back then, essentially I think because I felt awareness would give me more control. It was really fear based in other words.

    My goal nowadays is to be more comfortable with unawareness. Sometimes awareness is appropriate, but sometimes unawareness is more appropriate.

    For example, when I am practicing ballroom dancing with an instructor, I try to be very aware of my own dancing, which has the result that I am pretty much unaware of the dancing of my teacher. But when I am actually dancing (not practicing) it seems to be best to forget all about my own dancing (let that just happen on autopilot) and be as aware as I can be of the dancing of my partner. Why? No ideology to it. It’s just that the results are better that way.

    Again, when I was young I was attracted to the goal of lucid dreaming. I had a few successes but then lost interest. And I was also inclined to greatly admire people who claimed to be aware even during deep sleep. But not now. These days I am more inclined to feel that it is just natural to be unaware during dreaming and deep sleep, so why not let that unawareness happen?

    Bill says “you can only do something that isn’t resourceful if you do it unconsciously, without awareness”. But take the example of Nisargadatta Maharaj. I am a big fan of his books, and suspect that he was about as deeply and continuously aware as it is possible for a human to be. But he was a heavy smoker; in fact he made his living for decades by selling cheap and very unhealthy cigarettes to others. Being really aware did not lead him to change behaviours that were very dangerous to himself and to all his customers. (Apparently he eventually died in agony from throat cancer; goodness knows how many of his customers also died of cancer and other smoking-related illnesses). Nor did he ever become a vegetarian.

    I suspect Bill might try to explain this by claiming there must have been some unexamined shadow stuff in Maharaj. Not me. I would explain it by claiming that Maharaj gave far too much importance to awareness. If you do that, there are two unfortunate results. First, the world will seem to be just a meaningless illusion. And second, you will believe that you do not exist as a real entity with a real ability to make choices, and so changing anything in that illusion would be impossible even if it did have any purpose to it, (which it couldn’t if it’s all an illusion anyway).

    So in conclusion, I think it is best to think of awareness/unawareness as a continuum. Awareness is not entirely good, and unawareness is not necessarily bad. Setting up awareness as extreme White and unawareness as extreme Black is unbalanced and simply unhealthy.

    And as a practical matter, how do you know when are you giving too much weight to awareness? Well, if your increased awareness seems to be giving you more choices in your life, that’s a healthy amount of awareness. But if you are starting to believe that you don’t exist and the world is just an illusion, that’s an unhealthy amount of awareness, in which case I would suggest that it’s time to get off your Zen cushion or put away your Holosync CDs for a while and get involved in an awareness activity that has a physical side to it, like Tai Chi for example. And read Ken Wilber’s book, “Integral Spirituality”.

    FROM BILL: Wow. I haven’t seen a comment for quite some time that so much misrepresented (or misunderstood) what I have said. I am not against dividing things up. It’s very useful. Divisions, however ARE mental, not intrinsic. Everything is related to everything else, which means nothing exists in isolation. It’s all one system. We divide things for convenience, but these divisions happen in the mind. And, by the way, physicists would agree with this. You have interpreted what I have said incorrectly and then argued against something I did not say.

    I also did not say that “White” is good and “Black” is bad. Good and Bad are ideas, not realities. They are whatever you imagine them to be. As above, they are mental categories, and are not intrinsic to anything. When you mental make something bad, you disown it. Disowning has consequences, which I am pointing out in this post. If you don’t mind the consequences, then go ahead an disown whatever you think is bad. Nothing, however, is either good or bad, as both are ideas about reality, not reality itself. Again, you have set up a straw man and knocked it down, arguing against something I never said.

    As for awareness, I’m merely pointing out that as a human being you have choice about what you are aware of, and you operate automatically in areas where you are not aware. If you don’t mind operating automatically, that’s okay with me. Nisargadatta Magaraj knew that he wasn’t a separate ego, and he did not care about the body–something he says over and over. Obviously he was aware of the cosequences of smoking. He had choice, but in this case didn’t care.

    The “unawareness” you describe in dancing isn’t unawareness. It just isn’t linear mind awareness. This is the same thing that happens after you learn to drive. When you’re learning you have to use linear mind to watch each task. Once you master driving, ANOTHER part of you takes over, you go into a flow state, and you drive. But if something happens while driving you instantly see it and attend to it. You ARE aware–more aware than the driver who is learning–because you have turned the awareness over to another part of you, a part that can be aware of an infinite number of multidimensional goings-on, all at once.

    The same thing happens with a jazz musician who first practices chords and scales endlessly, but who then, when he performs, just enters a flow state and plays withing THINKING but not without awareness. You are confusing awareness with thinking about something, which isn’t a very aware way to live, since you can only hold a few things in mind with the linear mind.

    No offense, Ade, but all of this sounds like a lot of ideas, a lot of intellectualization. What I’m talking about comes from experience, my own as well as the experience of some of the most highly evolved spiritual practitioners in the world, many of whom are my friends. I’m not presenting another theory, but rather the results of actual experience and experimentation. Anyone who meditates for decades comes to the same conclusions I’ve presented here. You have just misunderstood them.

  46. Mike Z says :

    Hi Bill!

    I would really like to know your perspective on reincarnation. Are you planning any posts covering this subject?

    greetings from Poland

  47. carlos says :

    I think that Goethe said something like ” I have never heard of a crime that I dont consider myself capable of commiting .”

    I think he is right , all of us under the right circumstances with the right push, could do horrible things ( and also great things) I think the last “batman” movie in spite of being a comic is a VERY deep movie and is all about our shadows, also “Crash ” and “fight club” are great movies about shadows.
    I think in every good movie or fictional book where the characters have some depth we can find his and our shadows there.

    I have a question Bill , everytime we feel emotionally affected in a negative (or positive way) by something is a shadow? or are there exceptions?

    I think almost everybody is affected by things we consider horrible like rape, murder and torture. does that mean that most people have a degree of shadow regarding those issues?

    I started listenning to big mind with you and genpo. You said that mature parts can go immature too. So does it goes both ways? I thought that when a part of you mature it would stay that way.

    I think it would be very beneficial for us if you could give examples ( maybe in a future post) of inmature parts of us and its mature counterpart and explain its main characteristic s.


    FROM BILL: First, remember that positive and negative are mental divisions, not reality. Nothing is intrinsically good or bad. These are qualities we add, from the mind.

    Yes, everyone has disowned certain aspects. The Game of Black and White is played by everyone. Just to be alive you have to, to some extent, be “against” death, pain, and so forth, and unless you want to live the driest of existences, you are going to be attached to certain things. The point I’m making is that the more aware you are, the more you have choice about what to be attached to or to have aversion to. With awareness you can see the consequences of whatever choices you make. You enter into them already knowing the consequences (at least in general–know one knows exactly what is going to happen). Having already reconciles yourself that loving your children opens you to suffering because everything is impermanent, you automatically let go and can live with more inner peace, more equanimity.

    Genpo emphasizes that even when a disowned voice matures (which happens when you speak from it, which creates awareness), the immature form still exists in you. The maturity in this situation is the result of choice. You could choose the immature response, but probably won’t. If you do, you did it because it was a choice rather than just an automatic and unintended response. All voices, mature and immature, exist in all people.

  48. Julius Ko says :

    Hmmm… thanks for the response bill.. I think I see it more now… so the whole world isn’t going to go up in fireworks if 10% of the population makes it to ‘yellow’/’turquoise’; eh?… or even if it does… it’s important; but perhaps not as important as one believes …

    It’s as if; the only solution is to step off the ladder; to fully surrender and go through the 5 ranks of Tozan (Roshi and Zen linage; states of consciousness) … while simultaneously… in the world of form… evolving (or as Ken puts it.. transforming) as much as we can; while really just living in a healthy way (as Ken puts it.. translating..) .. which does matter… but ultimately; in the perspective of the witness; it doesnt… and that’ll never change; and yet is always present.

    Hopefully that made some nugget of sense.. =)

  49. Will says :

    You have spoken of how Holosync gets to the shadow stuff, unlike traditional meditation.

    I understand that the shadow stuff seems to be endless,but just how much would you say Holosync ‘clears up’. i.e 10%, 40%,80%? Is Holosync on it’s own an effective way of dealing with the shadow?


    FROM BILL: It clears up 68.73%.

  50. Monica Who says :

    Hi, great article! I really enjoyed it and posted a link to it in my Twitter and it’ll show up on the RSS feed on the main pages of my website.

  51. Will says :

    That much!!

    Ok, i walked into that one.

    Just the general idea of Trad med none and Holosync being different.


  52. Carolyn says :

    This great post makes so much sense but I am still confused with how to deal with my ‘issue’. My greatest goal in life is to be a non smoker which I am but not a ‘permanent’ one. Everytime I am in a social situation with certain people I seem to drink too much and resort back to the old party girl I used to be and end up smoking because it seems like a good idea at the time. As a result for the next few days I beat myself up endlessly and feel absolutely hopeless instead of a successful person. It sounds pathetic but it really feels like I make this same mistake over and over and I feel at a loss as to why it happens when I hate being that person so much. I love my life when I am fit and healthy and loathe myself in those situations. So why do I keep sabotaging myself? I am just at a loss other than to socially isolate myself to remove those obvious triggers from my life. 95% of the time I feel like I have this under control and then I just seem to end up back at square one again. I think because I know how good life is as a non smoker, it makes the smoking thing particulalry gross to me. So why why why do I do it?? Insanity!
    thanks so much, Carolyn

    FROM BILL: There is no benefit to figuring out why this happens, at least in terms of ending it. Most people endlessly analyze “why this?” and “why that?” but knowing why is the boobie prize. Knowing how is much more valuable. This involves awareness, not intellectualization.

    There are various ways to deal with this situation, but all of them involve awareness.–in other words, becoming aware of HOW you do it. One could be observing the internal representations (internal pictures and internal dialog) you make when you are “under control” vs “not under control” (in actual fact, you aren’t under control in either situation, because being under control involves being aware–in both cases you are operating automatically, but in what you’re automatically getting the outcome you want and in the other you’re getting something you don’t want). When you start smoking, etc., there are certain internal representations you make that lead you to the feeling of wanting to smoke and the actual behavior of doing it.

    You need to watch and find out what these are–in other words, HOW you do it. You can only do something that doesn’t serve you if you do it unconsciously, which is what you are doing now. In response to certain triggers (something you see, hear, etc at a party) you make certain internal representations–you say certain things to yourself, you make certain internal pictures–which lead to the feelings and behaviors you don’t want. Right now it’s all happening automatically. The only way to have CHOICE about it is to do it with awareness, which means watching HOW you do it.

    Another way would be to speak from the voice of the “party girl” or the “smoker’ or whatever aspect of you does this. Then speak from the opposite voice, whatever that is, maybe “the non-smoker” or “the voice of good health”. Speaking from these parts of you also creates awareness.

    A third way is to figure out what you are proving is true by doing this; in other words, what do you believe about yourself that you get to be right about when you do this? Most people are busy proving that what they believe is true, about themselves, about others, and about the world. I would guess that what you say to yourself when you beat yourself up represents something you strongly believe about yourself. To be right about that believe, you attract certain people and situations, interpret what happens in certain ways, and behave in certain ways. As with internal representations, you have to watch yourself believing whatever you believe, watch yourself proving that you are right, which again involves observing your mind, as you do it. My next blog post will be about this.

  53. Nancy says :

    Hi Bill,
    Thank you for the post, and for the cd’s of Big Mind Big Heart that came two weeks ago with my newest set of Holosync CD’s. You and Roshi are wonderful, and without this, I don’t think I would have understood your post as well.

    I wanted you to know that after thinking about and working with the repressed and suppressed voices, I came to “forgiveness”. I have worked on forgiveness in the past, but this was a breakthrough where I could not even think of any part of my life where I or anyone else still needed forgiveness from me. I felt clean….

    Now, I know that there are still shadows. But, for that one moment, one day, everything was in the light and it felt great. I credit Holosync for this, 68.73%!

    And, thank you for all the honest posts of my fellow Holosync users. I look forward to these “gatherings” each month. and to your questions as well as to your insights.

    I have been struggling with defensiveness. Whenever I am “corrected” or “criticized” I immediately, knee jerk response, defend myself. I don’t want to. I know it’s better not to. I intellectually have many other responses that are much more “mature” but it pops out of my mouth before my brain, heart or self awareness can intervene. And, I know where it came from, but that doesn’t help.

    My father was a perfectionist. Winning a championship was not good enough for him unless it was a perfect race…. I spent my life coaching myself that an A- or B+ was fine as long as I learned what I wanted to learn. I let go of my anger at him a few years ago, but there’s still something, apparently. Would you recommend speaking from the voice of the perfectionist, or the failure?

    Love to you all. You are a great group with whom to feel connected.


    FROM BILL: I would speak from the voice of defensiveness, and the opposite voice, the one who accepts feedback. I would also speak from the perfectionist, the failure, and the one who does her best. Other great voices in this “family” would be “I don’t give a shit” (this is a great one) and “the one who has to care”. Then, speak from the apex of the triangle, the one who transcends and includes I don’t give a shit and the one who has to care.

    And come to our next workshop, in LA in March.

  54. digna says :

    Just wanted to say how awesome my holosync experience have been so far. I’ve been using it for just under two months now and I can honestly say it feels like I’m learning from my envonriment at the speed of light.

    Also, I’m about to have a baby and I’m having contractions as I’m typinng this but the program has helped raise my threshold and communicate with my body so much that I change the pain to something pleasurable and just laugh when it comes.

    I’d recommend this to anyone.

    FROM BILL: That’s awareness for you. “Learning from your environment at the speed of light” is an interesting way to say “awareness.” How about naming the baby “Holosync”? Or Bill? (Good grief, did I really say that?)

  55. carlos says :


    Why is it that some people project a certain disowned characteristic by hating somebody and others by admiring somebody too much. for example if I disowned sexuality I can either dislike sexual people or idolize sexual people.

    Also if I a person disownes a certain characteristic is because it was unacceptable to be that way growing up how come in this case people project by admiring people who exibit that trait?


    FROM BILL: If you think it is a “good” trait and you have disowned it, you’ll arise and put on a pedestal those who have it. It you think it’s “bad,” you’ll make it wrong and express the shadow by not liking people or being triggered in a negative way by those who have it.

  56. Bob says :

    Hi Bill,
    just wanted to say that I finished that I finished Level 2 last year ( although I am still listening to the discs) and I am waiting for funds to become available for my next level, I havent deserted you yet my friend! :-) Thanks for all the value you provide to us and I will be with you again soon!

    Take Care for now


  57. Terry Heart Solomon says :

    Hi Bill,

    On a slightly different note, I recently watched a question and answer session with the Dalai Lama in which he was asked by an audience member ‘What is the difference between self-realisation and God realisation?’ To my astonishment, his response was ‘I don’t know’.

    This stunned me because I felt like the answer was really obvious. Namely, if we accept the idea of the essential unity or oneness of all that is, then to fully embody one’s true nature (self-realisation) and to know God (God realisation) are one and the same.

    What do you think?

    FROM BILL: I think His Holiness is hinting that self-realization is an IDEA. So is “God”. So is God Realization. So is “one’s true nature”. So is the IDEA (you said it) of the essential unity or oneness of all that is. Buddhism is about reality, not about ideas. Though people just have to express themselves, everything they say consists of ideas ABOUT reality, but those ideas are not the things they represent.

    Reality is what happens, not what you say about it. This is one of the central problems of being human: we use language to communicate, but forget that the premises behind language (that there are separate things and events, that a doing needs a doer, that a happening needs a thing to which it happens, etc) are not truth, and in fact are untrue. There is a gap between reality and what we say about it, but we don’t see that gap, and fall prey to the delusion that dualistic ideas can describe a reality that is multidimensional.

    You can’t even describe a carrot, really. If you refer to one, and I have tasted one, I know what you mean, but if I haven’t, no amount of talking about it can possibly help. There is nothing wrong with ideas about the world, IF (a big if) you know the difference. The Dali Lama does. apparently.

    What stands between you (or anyone) and awakening are your ideas–about everything. Realize that they are ALL bullshit, and something marvelous happens–after which you can take them back, but in a way where you realize what they are and what they are not.

  58. bruce says :

    my Holosync experience has been dismal – absolutely non-existent. Nothing at all has happened. I have been listening for 3.5 months now. Maybe my level of threshold is much higher than you presume. How can you place everybody at the same threshold level when you start us out on Awakening Prologue? Maybe some people have a much higher “threshold” and your cd is just not strong enough. Now what?

    FROM BILL: Call support and trust what they say.

  59. Santiago Jimenez says :

    Beautiful as always Bill.

    It occurs to me that we can explain the 4th rank in terms of shadows too, let me explain what I mean from my own experience (which has been hugely influenced by you and Genpo)

    After a beautiful opening in a NY Big Mind workshop, I had been walking on air for several months. I was even in the ER room and frankly didn’t care about dying, it was just another experience in the middle of the perfection I was in, there was no separation at all.

    At first my mind was very empty most of the time, but then little by little I started to conceptualize the experience. I started to see it as attaining the goal I was reaching for many years, and that I was finally “there”, no anxiety, no fear, I would be just pure awareness and I would be the witness for ever, free from all suffering.

    But then more and more I started to feel separate again, I went from total clarity to tremendous confusion, I was anxious again, and worried about the future, in other words, I was suffering (actually I am still suffering).

    I would say that the difference is that now I am more aware of it, I feel it SO MUCH, so concretely in my body, it really hurts.

    By reading this post I suddenly realized that this intense spiritual seeking has been in someway a trying to escape the relative world. As a boy and teenager I always felt that the “success” people were striving for wasn’t the answer to ending suffering, so I unconsciously put it in the black pile.

    However it came out covertly as a “spiritual success” I loved it when people told me “you are so unattached from the world” BIG SHADOW.

    So the way I see it, what happens in the 3rd rank is that we in someway disown our seeking mind, our separate self, we can see through it, but then deny it and it becomes a shadow.

    I believe what is happening is that we are unconsciously trying to get rid of one side of the polarity, there is no confusion and no separation, but clearly to be in this universe there HAS to be confusion and separation.

    We think we are above the game of black and white, but actually are playing a VERY HARD version of it.

    That’s why the fall is so tough, we disowned suffering, so when it comes back it hits us with full strength.

    I believe that there is no end to our ability to be more and more aware. I see that you sometimes use the term “fully enlightened teacher” but there’s really no such thing right ? No one can be “fully” enlightened, that would be denying one side of the polarity, that would be saying “white must win”. There has to be awareness AND unawareness. At least for us human beings.

    We can’t even say when someone has reached enlightening or awakening in a concrete way (one second I’m not enlightened and the next I am), that would be setting a limit, creating separation. But of course we need language, we need a map, that’s why I think you don’t really mean it when you say “fully enlightened”, or when you say that we can be happy and peaceful “all the time”. No one is “fully” aware of everything all the time, not even Genpo, Wilber or you right?

    I think I am a little less deluded though (in great extend thanks to you) and would love to hear your take on this, especially in your experience integrating the relative and the transcendent in the must practical way (I guess is almost impossible to do that in practical terms, but you always surprise me in explaining the unexplainable).

    All the love Bill, you are the best.


    FRO BILL: Santiago is referring, for those of you who are new to the blog, to two posts I did a while ago, called The Five Stages of Enlightenment, and There You Are, Enlightened.

    Santiago, I agree with everything you’re saying. You have had another great insight. Bravo. That Holosync and Big Mind combination must have some value. What you cite is one of the reasons why people speak of reality, and of being a human being, as an unfathomable mystery. On one hand, we are impermanent. We come, we live, we fall apart, we disappear. Our bodies are tender and vulnerable, which allows us to feel and experience, but also makes us vulnerable to pain and injury.

    On the other hand, the separate me that does this is really just an idea–the entire universe is really all one thing, and when “we” disappear it’s no different than a wave sinking back down into the ocean. The wave was just the ocean waving, and we are just the universe peopling. It doesn’t matter at all when the wave disappears, and it doesn’t matter when we disappear, either. It was all one thing all along, and being separate is just an idea.

    But since we interact with the world through our mind, we’re going to divide the whole into supposedly separate “things” and “events” and then become attached to some of them and have aversion to others. The 3rd rank, as you say, is an attempt to escape from this. Quite frankly, all spiritual seeking is such an escape attempt. When someone “wakes up” they see that both the relative and the transcendent exist, that they are one thing, and that to be human you have to live in the relative. Otherwise you aren’t really human. As you say, such a person is trying to get rid of one side of the polarity. Whenever you try to do this (for you can’t really do it) you create a shadow, and all shadows bite you in the ass.

    The awakened person realizes that to be human you have to live in the relative, but such a person is aware enough to choose what to become attached to, knowing the consequences. There is no escape from cause and effect, but in the 3rd rank we delude ourselves that we can. This shadow eventual creates the fall, and the more deluded you are, the harder the fall. Then, over time, you hopefully integrate the relative and the transcendent–even though both are ideas and are already “integrated”. You really just realize that they ARE integrated already.

  60. Evan says :


    Bravo!!! I have been using Holosync for 4 months; what a great program! East meets west; meditate like a Zen Monk in the heart of capitalism. What a concept. Great Stuff.
    During sessions, as awareness increases, I tend to direct my attention towards the feelings that underlay the achievment of some of my most important life goals and objectives. In your opinion, is this an advisable way to experience the sessions?
    Thanks again,
    Evan from N.Y.

    FROM BILL: Being aware of any human quality or activity you’re exhibiting is a good idea.

  61. Jorge says :

    Hi Bill,

    What I understand from your words is that shadows are the repression of our feelings. Those repressed feelings become stocked in our minds in a way that we do not know them: we are not aware of those material. Even though they have a powerfull effect in our actions. This unknonn material cause suffering and constrain our actions in terms of not allowing us to be free. That’s the reason why a eastern Guru told me once that if I want to be free I must first of all throw up the past, includig “the shadows” that live in my mind. This process is also the cure proposed by psychology: let the unconscious trauma become known by the mind. Yes, I agree, this is the way to become free

    Thank you

  62. Terry Heart Solomon says :

    Hmmmm….I think I just identified something that’s in your black pile…..disagreeing with the Dalai Lama. Do I get a prize? :)

    FROM BILL: Something is in the black pile when it triggers you. I just happen to agree with the Dalai Lama in this case.

  63. bruce says :

    Bill – re your response “just call support” yes I had already done that – they just said that they can’t tell how long it might take for a change. Your website states that you will experience ‘remarkable changes’ within a short period of time – days or weeks instead of months or years. Well it has now been 4 months – and still nothing! Is this normal? Am I the only person in the thousands of HS users that has experienced no change? As you are the originator of the program I was hoping that I would get a more concrete answer than just talk to support! What happened to this “I really really want you to get this” statement?

    FROM BILL: Ultimately, your experience with Holosync is a function of who you are, the way your Internal Map of Reality is structured, and so on. Holosync creates awareness, and when you are more aware about something, you have more choice about it. When you are unaware, your internal processes just operate automatically and unconsciously, creating whatever they were set up to create. Using Holosync can’t help but create more awareness, but if for instance you have a huge vested interest in staying the same–usually because it involves emotional safety–you can keep doing things the same way despite the increased awareness.

    You don’t say what the issue is, or what you want to change. I will say that if something in your life is happening that you don’t want, several things are true: 1) it is the result of something you are DOING, inside, that you are probably unaware of, and 2) you are focusing on what you don’t want in that area of life. The reason people focus on what they don’t want is that when growing upi the had to. There was danger in their childhood and they had to watch out for it. The danger could be something as seemingly insignificant as not triggering Mom or Dad’s anger, not wanting to be ignored, or ANYTHING that to a child is a danger.

    Once we decide that something is a danger, we keep finding more and more evidence that we’re right, and we become even more convinced that it really is a danger. Many of these things are only dangers because we’re small and powerless when we’re children. Once we’re adults you’d think that we would no longer feel powerless, but when certain things trigger us we reexperience the same powerless feelings and for all intents and purposes we might as well be powerless.

    So if you still feel unsafe enough about something, you might continue to respond to it in the same way–a way that creates problems for you now, but you needed to do when you were small–and despite the increase awareness you aren’t dropping it. You have to SEE what you are doing (in fact, first of all that YOU are DOING it), and HOW you are creating the result you don’t want. And, you have to get that the imagined consequences of being unsafe are not as great as the real consequences of continuing to meet the world in that old protective way.

    On another note, we’ve had some people over the years who have said what you are saying: I not getting any results yet. Sometimes those people just quit, and we never get to see what would have happened if they had stuck with it. Many times people do keep going though, and many have told us that all of a sudden something shifted–AND, once it happened they had this realization that things had been shifting all along, but somehow they just didn’t notice it.

    Another thing: I have found two charactaristics shared by people who say what you are saying as they use Holosync: 1) They have not bought into the idea that somehow, even if they can’t see how, what is happening, both in their life and with Holosync, is something they are DOING–that it is coming from something in them, in their internal processes; and 2) that they chronically and unconsciously focus their attention on what they don’t want, what they are worried about, what they want to avoid, what they are afraid of. Before anything changes, you MUST at least say, “Okay, I don’t know how, but somehow, what happens in my life, and particularly my reaction to what happens, is coming from ME, from something I am doing inside. Right now I can’t see what it is, but I am REALLY curious to find out.”

    Holosync use can create all kinds of positive changes without you intentionally doing that much, but for it to really work you have to realize that your experience of ANYTHING comes from you, including your experiences while using Holosync, and you have to participate in the process by directing your awareness to HOW you’re creating your life the way it currently is. Some people get the attitude, “Okay, change me.” The changes with Holosync happen because the person becomes more aware. Usually this new awareness creates a lot of changes, but if the person has a strong vested interest in not changing, for whatever reason, they can, at least for a while, block themselves from changing. It could be, as I said above, because on some level (often not consciously) it feels unsafe to change, and it could be (and maybe this is a way of saying the same thing) that they’re proving they’re right about something they believe about themselves–I can’t change, nothing works for me, etc.

    Stick with it.

  64. Ejvind says :

    Hi all,

    i have been listening to Holosync for some years now, and although I am generally much more balanced, I sometimes have periods with backdrops.

    Just recently I had a deep feeling of wanting revenge, and I started pursuing the person in question – making him pay for his dees, by publicly declaring him a fraud on the internet.

    Now, even if that is true, it just doesn’t serve me, or anyone else. Thanks to Holosync, it is much easier to see and experience balance, as well as understanding the bigger picture. We are all one, and when I see you, your are me – mirrored.

    FROM BILL: A perfect example of a shadow that you need to re-own. See my previous post. Come to a workshop with Genpo Roshi and me (

  65. Terry Heart Solomon says :

    Well I’ve given it some more ‘thought’ (not exactly true – more that I’ve given it some more feeling), and I now feel that you’re both right and wrong.

    I see that language cannot adequately describe reality – that one can only know reality on a feeling level and not a discursive or thinking level.

    But that notwithstanding, it is clear to me that to truly know one’s self is indeed to know God. And therefore it was a mistake for the Dalai Lama to not point that out when questioned.

    So I agree and disagree with you.

    Until the next time,


  66. Amy says :

    I’ve been listening to holosync (Awakening 1, 2nd CD) and started taking your first class. I stopped your first class because of timing and the intensity of the experience, but plan to resume and finish over the next few months.

    Your material about shadows and Genpo has really fascinated me for this reason – before I came across your term for it – shadow – I actually experienced shadow (a vision and feeling associated in an area of my body). While holosyncing, an experience of a black cloud near the bottom of the left side of my torso began to come into my awareness. This sounds so wierd to me writing about it now. As soon as I became conscience of it – a “What is that?!” knee jerk reaction came with it – and the experience quickly left me. Then I ran across the “Shadow” idea and have been focusing in that area – I have made some progress. . . I am aware that I have stored my anger and feelings for revenge there. I do not act on these feelings, but they are quite strong and severe. The feeling/vision has changed now, it is redish brown. I have noticed that when I go to focus directly on it, it disappears and I can’t access again while meditating. (Sort of like a very nervous cat that wants to come out and connect with you, but as soon as the cat is aware that you are aware of it, the cat goes back into hiding). I have used the suggestion about giving it voice, but it really has not helped very much. What is the counterpart to vengence? Forgiveness? Peace? Also, are there visions I can use instead of words? Would you give more details to rounding out the Big Mind process on this particular subject of “Revenge”? Are there any good books or cd’s that you recommend that I can use on this particular subject. I would love to go to the workshop, but I simply do not have the money to do so at this time.

    FROM BILL: Though I suppose that you could represent a shadow aspect in some visual way that lacks content (a color, etc), this isn’t really what a shadow is. A shadow is a part of you, an aspect of you–or somethng about the world–that you think is not okay. Because it’s not okay, you have repressed it, disowned it, pushed it out of your awareness. You can’t get rid of it, though. It appears in various immature, covert, and dysfunctional ways, especially in your being triggered by that quality in others.

    These disowned aspects need to be reowned, and you do that by letting them speak. You don’t look for the opposite quality–though sometimes it’s good to have that speak, too. So let the voice of revenge speak. Use words. See what that part of you wants to say.

    I would STRONGLY suggest that you come to one of the workshops Genpo Roshi and I do, where you will get a lot of practice doing this.

  67. Terry Heart Solomon says :

    Hi Bill,

    I’ve been wondering about something for a while… Why don’t you appear on Oprah’s show?

    I think you’d be an exceptional guest because you would be able to recommend a daily practice that supports what the other great spiritual teachers are advocating, and it would bring holosync to millions.

    I’ve seen a few of your friends on there like Mike Beckwith and Byron Katie, so why not you? You’re not shy are you? :)


    FROM BILL: She hasn’t asked me. Why don’t you write to her and tell her why you think she should have me on.

    Trust me, shyness is not my problem.

  68. Amy says :

    Do you plan to have such a workshop on the east coast, say in the Washington D.C. area? This area is perfectly situated between the north and the south. The tuition I can afford, but the travel expenses put the workshop out of reach financially. I would be happy to scout out different locations for you or get some suggestions. Also, there is a very neat plantation in Southern Virginia ( that may be even less expensive and is in a very beautiful area.

    I believe that I have represented visually my anger and desire for revenge and have suppressed it there. I was taught to silence my “voice” to unpleasant emotions like anger (many females experience the same thing when they are socialized to be “good little girls”) I know that when I am triggered by people who I feel are acting in that same state, my emotions (fear and anger) rise up out of that area – its a physical sensation attached to the emotions and thoughts. It’s like my blood boils and the heat starts there – but it still happens very quickly. I have not yet caught (witnessed) the thoughts between the stimuli (incoming experience) and my blood begins to boil – even though I don’t act on it, I know the emotions are written all over my face. I have probably stuffed many things about myself that I want to disown there – when I was young I remember being overwhelmed with negative emotions and would visually think about stuffing these emotions – pushing them down, closing a lid, and putting a lock on them.

    I have been in this place before when trying to give voice to grief, I couldn’t do it. I had journaled all my life, earned a B.A. in communications, but could not write a single word about my grief. Either all the grief came at once and I just cried, or I was numb and had to seek relief in other ways – so I played the piano and learned to draw. The words – giving voice – is a pointed, linear process – while music, drawing, visualization . . . they are more rounded processes.

    Thank you, Bill, for your response earlier, and your work. I love your Holosync CD’s, my family and co-workers have noticed a change. The information you give through your blog, your classes, and your support letter are so valuable and helpful to me. Thank you for your honesty in sharing your experiences in dealing with anger, finding a loving relationship, and on achieving success. I have had the same experiences of things falling apart, then achieving some success, and things falling apart again. I was at the point of giving up. My options were limited. I had tried meditating on my own, but did not do it consistantly. My practice with holosync is much more consistant. I had done years of therapy and read many self-help books and CD’s, but nothing has helped as much as your information and holosync.

    Wishing you much success,


    FROM BILL: Not being able to give voice to something that is creating pain and dysfunction is a good reason to get with a skilled facilitator, such as Genpo Roshi. Another alternative is to work with Denise, my wife, who does phone consultations where she has people speak from shadow voices. She is very skilled and I’m sure she would be able to help you access these voices. 949-375 3043. The people she works with rave about how good she is and the huge changes they experience.

  69. Alemenia Mclean says :

    Hi Bill I hope this blog finds you well. I really get it about the flower analgy
    I have had some issues with this shadow stuff, but as you said it takes time
    to learn it. I love the ideal that I do have time and I am still teachable. I love the step by step process and connections. I have been waiting all my life i guess for someone to say , just have fun with it. no details right now. This topic of shadow is so ah ah for me in fact it’s all just about. When I was a little girl. I use to hear my grandma say “give me the patients of jobe. Well I discovered puzzels and was facinated how life, and patients are both learned at the same time. I want to tell you how greatful I am each day for you, and your staff. blog on blog well. Alemenia

  70. Alemenia Mclean says :

    Hi Bill. I often read these blogs out loud and my grandson listens. He was sitting on the floor beside me the other day and said grandma you know that the abc song and mary had a little lamb has the same music. and the way we learn is by repetition hit me like a ton of bricks and it came together for me about stress of getting it right and being perfect, picking everthing apart. seeing the connection, having fun with it, don’t get stuck in the details and from a 3 year old. Menia

  71. Alemenia Mclean says :

    I meant to say in my last blog that my grandson may have not gotten it exactly right with the songs but he hit the nail on the head when he kept singing the songs over and over again. MENIA

  72. Achhar Dhillon says :

    Thanks Bill for all this. As you discussed about disowening anger, it made me feel that I have disowned fear. I am using Holosync and am at flowering level two and have cleared a lot of stuf but fear still keeps coming in a form like if my son just goes out to in a car or if I see a fast running car with heavy engine kind of things, makes me so fearful and I start making internal representations although I have started to notice. So Bill please can you talk more about fear in some other article if possible. Holosync made me a totally new person but something about fear is still there. Thanks very much.

  73. Beth says :

    Bill, I just watched the dvd on your workshop in NY on Big Mind. It was
    very good and I have a question about addictions. Makes sense that addictions are a distorted way of handling repressed shadow and I wonder
    what voices you would ask to be present? Beth

    FROM BILL: I think that would depend upon the person. I’d have to talk to the person and find out more. You are correct, though, that addictions are a way that disowned voices express themselves in a covert and dysfunctional way.

  74. David McGraw says :

    hey Bill,
    just wanted to let you know about a little experiment i did with holosync and big mind. I purchased the book Big Mind Big heart, set up my voice recorder and recorded all the parts where Genpo speaks as the facilitator. I then transfered that recording to play along with holosync. All I can say is WOW! I had some big Ah has. I’ve tried it a couple of times and each session gets better, and deeper. This is really powerful stuff! I can hardly wait to experience the Big Mind process in person. See you soon.

  75. Alemenia Mclean says :

    Hi Bill I do not have access to ask questiona on my on line course, but I just had to make a comment about what is happening with me. I just finished the 3rd lesson of the on-line course part 2 accelerator and the word accelerate is a understatment. I have always loved passing the buck. and letting someone else take responsibility for things infact all thing ajust about. I accept responsibility for what I creat. It kind of melts into one bigh pile and it helped me see that we ar all a part of the whole. I have had some people challange me with the letting what ever happens be ok thay think I am heartless uncaring. but I can also se how I still have a part of me that bleleives the illusion. For the most part I feel so good about all this stuff. I passed the buck to God for all that is gong on and I will be a willing actor in as much as I am awake to see that it is all just a bored (know it all) he wants a suprise and I know that I why I feel like I was created to play this part. I could and have always acted my buns off and enjoyed most of it. I see that realtion to Sharespear’s poem “ALL THE WORLD IS A STAGE, AND WE ARE ACTORS” It sure takes a lot of the fear doubt uncertinty out. I have always loved puzzles,mysteryes,figuring out how things worrk and seeing how others play their part to intrance me and to challenge and lift me up to a level of excitment that I have come to this life experience, my role sometimes requires that I feel dread,fear,dpubt,sadness,allone, I see that now I hope to play my role to the hilt. so with my next life experience I can be even more enlightned and more enlightned. The prospect excites me. When I leave this experence It wil be as if I never existed. I can sure use that ace in the hole. there are a lot of things I want to forget I did. If nothing but for the embarresment of it. I love you Bill Harris. Tell your wife I said thanks for sharing you.

  76. Alemenia Mclean says :

    Well to answer your question “WHAT HIDING IN MY SHADOWS?” Well I use to think people would think I was nuts if I told them what was in the shadows, because I was scared to look there. but everything you want need care about think of love hate both sides of the coin are there and you can see that the see that there is really is a monster if you think it is. but most of all the struggle that I thought was a struggle was written into my script like that. I can not really define it becaue it really is beyond mind. so called creator is really and I mean really us. I have a thick vale in front of my mind most of the t ime but I play it that way I don’t want to know it all. It will take all the fun out of life experience I am having. and that is the point after all. well for me anyway may not be for others, but they have to wake on their own. I love You Bill Harris.

  77. Lynn Fabry says :

    Hi Bill, I have a Big Mind question. When working with shadow, such as anger, fear, and lots of very ‘young’ stuff, etc., I often like to do one voice at a time…… it comes up…….not a long session.
    …….doing this, with such voices, is there one voice one can go into on the other side of the triangle to help facilitate going into the dual/non dual integrated state, without having to do a long process of many voices?
    i have occasionally just gone right into the integrated state without touching into the other side, which is so wonderful, but I am by far, not always present enough for this to happen.

    thanks!! Lynn

    FROM BILL: You need a facilitator who can help spot the best voices to speak from. I suggest calling Denise Harris, who is extremely skilled at doing one-on-one Big Mind. She will help you have a huge breakthrough around this. Her number is 949-375-3043.

  78. Dan says :


    I just wanted to say how amazed I am at how much Big Mind when combined with Holosync has helped me so far. Its really amazing. When I think I’ve owned a voice I see later some way more profound and deep way that I could own it more and I gain some deep insight that I was missing before. I started doing Big Mind for at least fifteen minutes a night close to a year ago now. At first it kind of just made me more spontaneous. At this juncture it has helped me to totally turn myself around. One of the biggest breakthroughs I’ve had is I’ve noticed what was triggering my own covert anger where I wasn’t noticing it before. When people would start yelling at me or look at me with angry faces before I started doing Big Mind heavily I would just react by getting extremely angry and then fearing my own anger. I did a lot of work on re-owning my anger and fear with Big Mind and the 3-2-1 process and I then started noticing the faces people were making at me and other things they were saying and doing that was triggering my anger while still remaining calm. This has given me a lot of power to then choose my reaction rather than at least emotionally having no control over my reaction at all. From there I just took off increasing my awareness expodentially in all of the voices. There have been a bunch of places where I basically made an ass of myself where I then used Big Mind to find the seed of an equal or greater benefit and where I just came out of it ten times more enlightened, ten times more brilliant, and ten times more aware. So I just wanted to say thanks for all of the help. I know in a year from now I’ll be somewhere even further along but I also know it doesn’t even really matter because I can enjoy the moment right now just as it is.

  79. Achhar says :

    Dear Bill

    I have been reading your blog almost everyday. I am at Holosync Level purification 4. As soon as I got my level 4, I stopped getting e.mail from you about new posting or any new things. I am not sure because I have just finished with the innercircle. Please do not forget me. Although I got some awareness with the Holosync meditation, I am still not there where I want to be. My purpose is enlightment. Can you write more about enlightment sometimes. I know you have wirriten before but some more details about the experience and how someone will know when one will get it. Thanks.


    FROM BILL: There’s probably some glitch in the list of people who are notified about each post. No email was sent for my New Years post, so if that’s the only one you didn’t get, and you got the others before it, you’ll probably get the next one. Or, just sign up again.