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The Top 7 Reasons Why Your Life Sucks

by / Friday, 06 June 2014 / Published in Happiness, Human Behavior, Life, Personal Growth

Okay, I admit it. The word “sucks” is pretty strong. Perhaps your life doesn’t completely suck. And, yes, I know that it’s not a good idea to “focus on the negative.”

The truth is, though, that everyone feels bad sometimes and we all experience people and situations we don’t want. And, for some, life does suck.

shutterstock_85716704And, if you’re already happy and successful, what I’m going to share here will allow you to have a lot more of what you want from life—I promise.

So bear with me. I think you’ll find this information to be very helpful, no matter what your life is like. So let’s look at…

•  Why you may not be making enough money…

•  Why your relationships might not work…

•  Why you aren’t doing what you really want with your life…

•  Why you feel disconnected from the world and other people…

•  Why you don’t do what you know you should do…

•  Why life is sometimes such a struggle…

•  Why you aren’t happy

Believe me, I’ve certainly struggled in my life. I was on the Olympic Struggling Team for decades. No matter how many seminars I attended, how many books I read, or how much I meditated, I just couldn’t get it together.

Here’s what I finally discovered. If something in your life isn’t working, it’s because of your current way of thinking and acting.

To get different results, you’ll have to give up that way of thinking and acting and be willing to adopt a new one (the thinking part of this equation mostly what you focus on—the internal pictures you make and your internal dialog).

Hoping for a different result without changing the way you think and act is insane…hopeless…and futile. I’ll get back to how you might do this a little later.

Okay, let’s get into the real reasons why your life sucks.

The #1 Reason Your Life Sucks—You’re pretending you don’t have control:

self-controlOver the thirty-plus years that I’ve been helping people, there are always a few who say, “No matter what I do, nothing works.”

Why is this? Such people have not bought into the most fundamental principle underlying all personal change, that somehow—even if you can’t see how—you are creating what’s happening in your life.

I don’t mean that you’re to blame for your life. No one intentionally creates a life that sucks.

I am saying, however, what happens is generated by something you do inside—that your own unconscious internal processes generate how you feel, how you behave, what things mean, what you attract, and what you become attracted to.

If you’re unaware of these processes (as 99% of people are), you live on autopilot. Life seems to just happen. You feel like Wile E. Coyote (by the way, if he has all that money for Acme products, why can’t he just buy dinner?)—no matter what you do, the safe always falls on your head, or your life explodes in your face.

It seem as if you have no control—at all.

If, however, you say to yourself, “I have no idea how I’m creating my life, but somehow I am creating it”—and then become incredibly curious to find out exactly HOW you’re doing it…

…you WILL figure it out, and you
WILL gain control of your life.

Please. Acknowledge that somehow, something you are doing is creating your life. Then watch your internal processes until you find how you’re doing it. Here’s a big hint: pay attention to what you believe, what is important to you, what you focus your attention on, and what meanings you assign to what happens.

And, if you aren’t willing to do this, then please, be content the way you are. Don’t drive yourself crazy wishing for change unless you’re willing to pay the price to have it.

The #2 Reason Your Life Sucks—You chronically (and unconsciously) focus on what you don’t want:

focusThis is the second characteristic of people who say that nothing seems to work: they chronically and unconsciously focus on what they don’t want, what they’re afraid of, what they’re worried about, or what they want to avoid.

If you do this, you have a good reason. Past exeriences have caused you to believe that the world is a dangerous place, or at least a potentially dangerous place. To avoid that danger (whatever it is) you have to watch out for it. However, when you focus on what you don’t want…

…two unpleasant things happen.

First, you attract or create more of it. Why? Because all beliefs, including the belief that the world is a dangerous place, are self-fulfilling prophecies. You’ll unconsciously find a way to make what you believe come true, or at least seem to be true.

If you believe it’s a dangerous world, you’ll attract danger—or interpret what happens as dangerous…

…even if it really isn’t.

You don’t do this intentionally. Still, focusing on what you don’t want causes a very powerful part of your mind to figure out how to get more of whatever you’re focusing on.

As time goes by, you’ll accumulate a huge pile of evidence that you are right. The more evidence you accumulate, the stronger the belief. The stronger the belief…

…the more evidence you’ll create.

So what’s the way out? In a way, it’s very simple:

You can create anything, no matter how dismal—and keep creating it, over and over—as long as you do it unconsciously. But do the same thing with full awareness—watching the entire creative process, as it happens, inside your mind—and if it doesn’t serve you…

…it automatically falls away!

You just can’t do something that isn’t resourceful, and do it with awareness. So, watch your mind. Find out HOW your focusing creates or attracts what happens. Learn to be intentionally aware, and you gain a power that will blow away all obstacles, and get you…

…everything you want.



Start improving your life today!















The #3 Reason Your Life Sucks—You believe what your parents taught you about who you have to be in order to be “okay.”

angry-parent-and-babyTo be “okay” in the eyes of your parents, you had to conform to their idea of whom and what you should be.

You had to be the person they wanted, rather than the person you really are. In some families, these expectations are benevolent. In others, they are unreasonable, or even impossible, and…

…the price of non-compliance is severe.

One type of expectation is called an injunction—what your parents told you not to do or be: don’t think, don’t feel, don’t be sexy, don’t outdo me, don’t be happy, don’t be strong, don’t cry, don’t succeed…

…don’t want anything, don’t protect yourself, don’t make money, don’t be curious, don’t complain, don’t show your feelings, and many, many more. Usually these are unstated and generally taught by positive and negative reinforcement.

Attributions are a second type of expectation—what your parents said you were: clumsy, smart, bad, good, ugly, beautiful, lazy, stupid, careless, driving me crazy, unlucky, sexy…

…too proud, sneaky, shy, cute, boring, a bum, in the way, fat, skinny, a pansy, too tall, too short, an airhead, and so forth.

We take all of this in, as if it was true, for two reasons. First, we’re small and powerless, and parents are big and powerful and seem to know what they’re talking about. We have to go along. We also have no way of knowing that all of this is just their opinion, based on their stuff—what their parents taught them about…

…what a person should or shouldn’t be.

Injunctions and attributions say more about our parents than they do about us! If your life isn’t working, a great deal of what you believe about yourself, what you focus on, what you’re willing to do or not do, what you criticize yourself for, is simply someone else’s prejudiced opinion.

Take a moment and list the “don’ts” and attributions your parents gave you, and…

…question them!

Now that you’re grown, you can decide who you are and what you want to be or do. If your parents communicated to you that you can’t be or have what you want, you don’t have to keep believing it!

This also involves awareness. When these expectations are unconscious, they control you. Become aware of them and watch how they create your life and they will dissolve.

The #4 Reason Your Life Sucks: You aren’t willing to examine your beliefs and premises—about the world, life, other people, or yourself:

limiting-beliefIf your current way of thinking and acting isn’t working, change it.

Question what you currently believe.

Question the rules or principles you use to navigate your life.

Question your assumptions about everything.

Let in new information—in fact, constantly seek it out. Upset the apple-cart. Every happy and successful person I know is constantly questioning…everything.

You should do the same.

If you’ve been traumatized you probably don’t feel safe. Sometimes you want to shut down and protect yourself—another way of focusing on what you don’t want.

Instead, open up—even if it feels uncomfortable. Invite the world in. Invite information in. Question everything. List your major beliefs and premises about life and reconsider them with a critical eye.

The #5 Reason Your Life Sucks—Fearing failure, you don’t act:

overcome-your-fear-of-failureIf things aren’t working, if relationships fail, if you can’t make enough money, if you’ve failed again and again, it’s easy to shut down and protect yourself from disappointment.

Fearing failure, however—or, really, anything—means focusing on it, that just creates…

…more of what you fear.

Fear seems like it happens to you, but it’s actually something you do. How? By focusing your attention on something you don’t want.

Napoleon Hill said, “The one and only thing over which you have complete and total control is how you focus your own mind.” Then, the zinger: Luckily, this determines everything else.”

Decide to focus on what you want, and then act to get it. When you act, there are two possibilities: you get what you want, or you don’t. If you get what you want, great. If you don’t, though, something else happens—and it’s…

…just as valuable as getting what you want!

What is it? Wisdom. Getting what you don’t want contains priceless information. When successful people don’t get what they want they learn as much as they can from it.

In fact, successful people fail more often than unsuccessful people. Why? Because they act more. And, because they fail more, they learn more. Eventually, they become…

…VERY WISE!

Poet Robert Blake said, “The fool who persists in his folly becomes wise.” In other words, there’s no such thing as failure. There’s only success…or valuable information. Be willing to act. Welcome setbacks. When they happen, say: “Thank you for the information.”

The #6 Reason Your Life Sucks—You’re focused on yourself and unaware of the needs—or the perspective—of other people:

self-absorbedThis kills your chances of making money, or creating true friendships or successful romantic relationships. When things go wrong it’s easy to become self-absorbed. But those who focus on the needs of others ultimately prosper.

Consider money. You give money to the gas station, the electric company, the water company, a car dealer, or the grocery store. Why? Because they have something you believe…

…is more valuable than the money.

Here’s a huge secret: Money flows to those who create value. Those who have little money haven’t yet figured out how to create value for others (or how to let others know that they have something of value).

Forget about “putting it out to the universe” and other such magical solutions. Yes, focus your attention on what you want. Everything begins with a thought, and what you focus on tends to happen in reality.

But you can focus until you’re blue in the face, and unless you have something that someone else wants because they find it to be valuable…

…nothing will happen.

Your thought should be, “How can I be of value?” What is valuable? Ideas…products… services…your labor…your skills…your solutions to problems.

Have a low-paying job? Find a way to create more value. Get more skills. Offer a service, a product, or a solution to a problem. Focus on how you can fill other people’s needs.

The same applies in relationships. If you want love or friendship, instead of thinking so much about what you want, think about how you can offer what you want to someone else.

People crave kindness, courtesy, a listening ear, someone who cares, someone who truly has their interests in mind. Be such a person…

…and love and friendship will come back to you.

Notice others. Take their perspective. See their needs. Notice their point of view. Think about us instead of me. Amazing things will happen.

The #7 Reason Your Life Sucks—You’re waiting for everything to be okay before you can be happy:

is-everything-okayEverything is never going to be okay. If that’s what you’re waiting for, you’re in the wrong universe.

I know many of the most spiritually aware, successful, happy people in the world—Zen master Genpo Roshi, Jack Canfield, Ken Wilber, bestselling author Stewart Emery, and many others.

Each of them has their version of the same problems you have. So do I. Both Stewart and Genpo have had cancer. Ken’s wife died of cancer.

Believe me, I could go on.

All humans—the Dalai Lama, billionaires, movie stars, Zen masters, average people—have problems. They get sick. People they love die or go away. They wreck their car. The bottom of the garbage bag breaks. They have aches and pains. Their roof leaks. They buy something, and it breaks. They encounter idiots and jerks.

To be human is to have problems.

Many people assume that someone like Genpo Roshi—or me, or Jack Canfield, or billionaire Warren Buffet—have “solved the Problem of Life.” We haven’t. If we’re happy, it isn’t because we have no more problems.

It’s because we’ve stopped looking at life as a series of problems. “Problems” is a way of looking at things, and you can decide to stop looking at things in that way. “If only I were rich, or I had a different partner, a better job, a bigger house, better meditations, more sex, a Ph.D., smaller thighs, a child (or no child), more free time, less wrinkles…”

Yes! Get these things. Go for it!

Life is what it is—no matter who you are! It’s up AND down, black AND white, winning AND losing.

Instead of wishing it weren’t so (or imagining that it’s different for other people), LET IT BE OKAY that life is what it is. Most discomfort comes not from the way things are, but rather from your resistance to the way things are! Decide to be happy, right now…

…regardless of what is or isn’t happening.

awarenessThe key to making these changes is AWARENESS. What doesn’t serve you, if done with complete and full awareness, falls away. You can only do something that doesn’t serve you if you do it unconsciously.

The most effective way to increase awareness is meditation. Unfortunately, meditation can be difficult, and results can be slow.

Twenty years ago, however, my company, Centerpointe Research Institute, created a way to accelerate this process using combinations of pure sounds delivered through stereo headphones to create the brain wave patterns of deep meditation, instantly and easily.

This technological method, called Holosync, allows anyone to meditate deeply, every time, benefit immediately, and skip the long learning curve.

So if your life sucks, the good news is that you’re doing it. If you’re doing it, you can stop doing it. All it takes is desire, and awareness. Whatever you do to gain that awareness, watching your internal processes as they create your life creates choice. Once that happens, you’re in charge, and what sucks falls away.

 

Your life doesn’t have to be this way…begin changing your life in as little as 15 minutes per day.


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10 Responses to “The Top 7 Reasons Why Your Life Sucks”

  1. Mike says :

    As always Bill, “hard-to-compare-to-anything-out-there” article

    My favourite part:
    They get sick. People they love die or go away. They wreck their car. The bottom of the garbage bag breaks. They have aches and pains. Their roof leaks. They buy something, and it breaks. They encounter idiots and jerks.

    I laughed and cried at the same time.

    All the best

    Mikee

  2. J.R. says :

    Hi Bill,

    I am ecstatic that you have started posting on your blog again as I have read and listen to every single posting you’ve made. I currently use Holosync (prologue) and am doing the LPIP courses. BTW (awesome stuff).This is my first ever posting of comments and questions and hope that you have the opportunity to read and reply to it, perhaps maybe even create a posting / podcast on the subject in reply.

    The comments are actually to an earlier posting back in Nov 2012 titled “because I like you” as well as the 3 postings of “Going to Hell in a Hand basket”. Anyway, I was hoping to get your opinion on information I came across several months ago that directly corresponds to the subject of the Nov posting as well the other 3. The information I came across and am currently reading and researching is from a movement called “The Zeitgeist Movement”. Have you heard of it? What is being proposed is a new train of thought that would move us (Global) from our current socio economic system to one of a natural law resourced based economy. Since you read and follow quite a few different financial people and publications, perhaps you have heard of this concept? I would really like to get your take on this subject if you have had any exposure to it and if not; I would like to point to a source of where I am getting my information from. http://thezeitgeistmovement.com/faq

    As always, you have a knack for chunking things down to an understandable level as you have done with these postings and clearly show how the current capitalist system works and the crap our economy is in as well as possible future outcomes. I only mention this because I consider you to be one of the modern day thinkers like Allan Watts in that you not only have a grasp of the true reality but, and unlike many of the past teachers of enlightenment can explain it to us laymen, interpret all the airy fluff jargon, esoteric, ask a question with a question kind of thing lol.

    I suggest based on this new information that there is another option for looking at our current socio economic situation, one that could, with enough awareness brought to light by people such as yourself, could start to make a significant impact in the world. There are enough people out there that clearly know that our socio economic system is beyond broken (look at all the comments posted around the world on a multitude of blogs and thousands of protests worldwide like the Occupy movements) but I think that due to many factors, which you know better than anyone else and that we being immersed in it all are having a hard time seeing any alternatives. Clearly the more people that know about such options, the more something like this could quickly catch on. I don’t profess to have the answers or know all the in’s and out’s as I am still in research mode and am about a 3rd of the way reading the book “The Zeitgeist Movement Defined” but that is why I am sharing this with you, thinking that if there are any major flaws in this new train of thought, that you (curator of information as you descripted yourself) would flush it out but if it is a serious viable option, you might give it some attention and pay it forward. I am listing below a snippet of the ideas that are being put forth as this will state it better than I could. Bill, let me thank you in advance for all you do and I look forward to possible hearing your voice in the mix.

    J.R.

    Founded in 2008, The Zeitgeist Movement is a sustainability advocacy organization, which conducts community based activism and awareness actions through a network of global/regional chapters, project teams, annual events, media and charity work.

    The movement’s principle focus includes the recognition that the majority of the social problems that plague the human species at this time are not the sole result of some institutional corruption, absolute scarcity, a political policy, a flaw of “human nature” or other commonly held assumptions of causality. Rather, the movement recognizes that issues such as poverty, corruption, pollution, homelessness, war, starvation and the like appear to be “symptoms” born out of an outdated social structure.

    While intermediate reform steps and temporal community support are of interest to the movement, the defining goal is the installation of a new socioeconomic model based upon technically responsible resource management, allocation and design through what would be considered the scientific method of reasoning problems and finding optimized solutions.

    This “Natural Law/Resource-Based Economy” (NLRBE) is about taking a direct technical approach to social management as opposed to a monetary or even political one. It is about updating the workings of society to the most advanced and proven methods known, leaving behind the damaging consequences and limiting inhibitions. which are generated by our current system of monetary exchange, profit, business and other structural and motivational issues.

    The movement is loyal to a train of thought, not figures or institutions. The view held is that through the use of socially targeted research and tested understandings in science and technology, we are now able to logically arrive at societal applications that could be profoundly more effective in meeting the needs of the human population, increasing public health. There is little reason to assume war, poverty, most crime and many other monetarily-based scarcity effects common in our current model cannot be resolved over time. The range of the movement’s activism and awareness campaigns extend from short to long term, with methods based explicitly on non-violent methods of communication.

    The Zeitgeist Movement has no allegiance to country or traditional political platforms. It views the world as a single system and the human species as a single family and recognizes that all countries must disarm and learn to share resources and ideas if we expect to survive in the long run. Hence, the solutions arrived at and promoted are in the interest to help everyone on Earth, not a select group.

  3. Steve says :

    Thanks Bill. Most inspirational. Made me take a fresh look at how I am creating my life right now and finished up with a list of at least 11 reasons of which I need to be aware of and change.

    Thanks

    Steve

  4. Lindsey Mason says :

    Any chance you could have the audio file to download available for ALL blogs? I listen to them on my commute to work and back as there really is no other time in the day when I get enough undisturbed peace to be able to concentrate. AM sure I am NOT the only one who feels this way.
    Ta, Lindsey

  5. SpeakingTheTruth says :

    Well many of us good men that are still single with no wife and family certainly speaks for itself, and many others that were very blessed to have that gift have a lot to be very thankful for.

    • sharon says :

      Good single lady hear, I look after my mother who is terminally I’ll, and I have 2 kids, but I am definitely going to look at things in a different light, now I see one at the end of the tunnel and not a freight train in sight…..

  6. Bahar Khedri says :

    I absolutely loved this! Everything you said was very true and applied to my life. Especially the part about what your parents taught you to believe. Very interesting and to the point! Thank you so much for sharing

  7. Tuti Frootie says :

    Hello there, do you still have this audio file?

  8. kimberly boran says :

    Sometimes there just is no answer? the fact of the matter is some peep’s are just losers, what I found in my 5 decades of life watching others is that there’s always that person that walks in a room everyone instantly “likes” they don’t even have to say anything? we all are born with a unseen magnetic quality some are positive and some are negative others are neutral? I knew identical twins where this was an evident fact! both looked identical they spoke the same ,liked the same things did the same things and had of course the same upbringing etc. yet one was popular and nobody liked the other? ..except her twin sister!
    long story short the outcast twin killed herself ..its bullsh*T that its how you look at life or how you think is where the problem lies… its how others respond to you at a unseen level …”others” either make or break you! we need others to like us or they will hold you back!

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