1. Welcome to Issue #165 (October 2006) of MIND CHATTER, the e-mail newsletter of Centerpointe Research Institute: http://www.centerpointe.com. Mind Chatter is published once a month, on or about the 16th of each month. Please send Mind Chatter to a friend, and please send us your questions, comments, and suggestions. ................................................................................ 2. If you would like to unsubscribe, you can manage your account via the link at the end of this newsletter. (But please don't. We like you and we want you to stay.) ................................................................................ 3. In This Issue // MindQuotes (scroll to #5) // A few recommendations that may benefit you (scroll to item #6) // Important Announcements // Feature Article How To End Suffering by Bill Harris, Director (scroll to item #7) // Q&A Section (scroll to #8) // Book Review (scroll to #9) Games People Play by Eric Berne, M.D. Review by Marc Gilson ................................................................................ 4. MIND CHATTER contains articles about: // How you create your life--and how you can stop unconsciously creating experiences and outcomes you do not want, and instead begin to create exactly what you do want // Personal and spiritual growth in general // Meditation (high- and low-tech) // Recovery from emotional trauma // Pretty much any other subject I get excited about and want to write about. After all, it's my company and my newsletter, and I can do whatever I want with it. So there. ................................................................................ 5. Mind Quotes One does evil enough when one does nothing good. -- German Proverb When a man finds no peace within himself, it is useless to seek it elsewhere. -- L. A. Rouchefolicauld Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. -- Carl Jung There are times when a man should be content with what he has but never with what he is. -- William George Jordan ................................................................................ 6. Live long and prosper! Unless you've been living in a cave lately, you must have seen some of the recent news about the health benefits of meditation. It's everywhere... * An article published in the American Heart Association journal, Stroke, recently reported that meditation can reduce cholesterol buildup and the associated risk of heart attack and stroke. * And another study of the elderly found that meditation actually added years to their lives. * The National Institutes of Health reports that regular meditation reduces chronic pain, anxiety, high blood pressure, cholesterol, and cortisol (sometimes called "the stress hormone") production. * A University of Wisconsin-Madison study discovered meditation boosts brain function and the immune system. * A recent issue of the American Journal of Hypertension featured the results of a study showing a significant lowering of blood pressure in a group of meditators compared to a control group of people who didn't meditate. The study also reported a 23% decrease in usage of antihypertensive drugs between the group of meditators and the other group. * A Harvard study also concluded that regular meditation can reduce pain, lower blood pressure, and cut production of the stress hormone, cortisol. * The most recent study by The American Heart Association shows heart and artery health improved 69 percent in test groups practicing meditation. And this is just the beginning. Practically every time you turn around there's another study documenting and supporting fantastic health and wellness benefits of meditation. So, what's the quickest way to actually achieve these amazing benefits? If there's a downside to meditation it's this... Traditional meditation can take years, even decades to master. The Holosync Solution(TM) changes all that. Holosync uses advanced scientific technology to induce deep states of meditation virtually at the push of a button. Most regular users of Holosync report fabulous results in weeks rather than years. Try Holosync for yourself-for FREE! Click visit http://www.centerpointe.com/demo/ to get a FREE Holosync demo CD so you can see for yourself how this powerful technology can improve your life. Here's an even better idea. Go ahead and order Awakening Prologue (the first level of The Holosync Solution) and get started with the real thing. With our One-Year 100% Iron-Clad Guarantee, you can do so with no risk whatsoever. Use Holosync for up to a full year and enjoy all the powerful and lasting benefits this kind of meditation brings you. And if you decide that Holosync isn't everything we promise, simply let us know and you can return it for a full refund. It's just that simple. If you have any interest at all in increased health and vigor, increased longevity, lower blood pressure, peace of mind, and all the other great benefits of meditation, at least give Holosync a try. Remember you can get a FREE demo CD by going to +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ http://www.centerpointe.com/demo/ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ And to learn all about the science behind Holosync, check out our extensive articles section here: ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ http://www.centerpointe.com/about/articles.php ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ** // ** Michael Stillwater Launches International Power of Song Tour Award-winning singer/songwriter Michael Stillwater (winner of the John Lennon songwriting contest) is a key staff member for Centerpointe's twice-yearly retreats and one of the most talented songwriters and performers on the planet (really). This month, Michael launches his Power of Song Tour as an opportunity to inspire individuals and communities in the healing power of music and spirit. Because I've seen Michael in action for the past twelve years at Centerpointe retreats, I can tell you that his music is spellbinging (not to mention entrancing, heart-opening, and awe-inspiring). In fact, at the retreats he composes songs on the spot that sound as if they took months to create. He has the ability to help people touch the deepest parts of themselves with his music and his presence. Ram Dass called Michael's music "a touch of grace." Tour dates span October to December 2006 and hit locations including North Carolina, Washington, Oregon, Northern and Southern California, and Switzerland. Hightlights of the tour include "ChantWave," "SoulVoice: Release the Power of Your Voice," and "The Art of Presence." One notable stop along Michael's tour is the Oceans of Gratitude Carribean Cruise sponsored by the group Go Gratitude. Other speakers include Dr. Masaru Emoto (Hidden Messages in Water) and Mary Manin Morrissey (Building Your Field of Dreams). For a detailed look at when Michael will bring the healing power of song to your neighborhood, go to: http://www.innerharmony.com/schedule.htm. ** // ** Would you have lunch with me next week? I'd like you to join me in Boulder, Colorado next week for an amazing learning experience. In addition to what you'll learn, I want to meet you in person... and even have a meal with you. But the real benefit of joining me in Boulder will be what you'll learn about yourself and other people, about your own development as a human being, and about how the world works. You'll learn an elegant and effective new way of seeing society, the craziness of the world situation... ...and, your own growth process. This "new way" of seeing things will give you an incredible clarity about where you are, how and why you're creating your life the way you are, and what to do next. When I learned this information, and began to apply it to my life, it changed everything. I know it will do the same for you. You'll learn WHY people behave the way they do (in fact, why YOU behave the way you do). You'll learn why certain things are crucially important to you, while at the same time, for some inexplicable reason... ...something completely different seems to be important to other people! Bottom line, you'll learn what many people believe to be the most clear and elegant model of human development ever conceived. I know that when I learned this model, it completely changed the way I see everything in my life, inside and out. I've written before about Spiral Dynamics, a developmental theory of values that explains so much about life, both societal and personal. I know you will benefit by knowing about Spiral Dynamics and understanding how it affects your life. In fact, a lot of what the great philosopher and writer Ken Wilber teaches is based on Spiral Dynamics and other similar developmental models. Though I will speak extensively (info below) this is your chance to learn about Spiral Dynamics from Dr. Don Beck, the master of Spiral Dynamics. After Dr. Beck teaches you the basics, I will speak about the connection between Spiral Dynamics and Holosync, enlightenment, mastery of your mind and what you create with it, and... ...the process of spiritual development in general. What Dr. Beck and I will say will give you a new clarity about yourself and what you are going through in your growth. You'll see things in a whole new way, and will develop a new clarity about your life, what it means, where you're going, and what to do next. Best of all, I've convinced Dr. Beck to give anyone from Centerpointe a HUGE discount for this training. But first, let me tell you a little bit about what you'll learn: Understanding Spiral Dynamics will allow you to: * Determine the most highly valued criteria of an individual or social group (if you know what is important to others, you can better connect with them, persuade them, or help them,)... * Know what drives their thinking and behavior (again, allowing you to be more effective in dealing with them)... * Know how to communicate with other people, manage them, help them, or defend yourself from them * Understand your own motives, actions, and personal evolution (the more you are aware of why you are doing things, the faster you will grow, and the more you will be in charge of creating what you want)... * Understand the real driving force between national and international conflicts that seem to be about religion, class, gender, politics, economics, nationalism, and other common distinctions (suddenly the muddled and complex world situation will make perfect sense to you)... * Understand why current attempts to solve these problems don't work and what really needs to be done to resolve them. The Spiral Dynamics Integral Level One Certification Course, taught by Dr. Beck, is October 23-25. That will be followed by my part of the program, The Spiral Dynamics Level Two Personal Emergence Certification Course, of which I will teach one and a half days (there will be at least one other presenter). There's more to tell than I have room for here, but I will tell you this: this training will blow your mind. Please, if you have any interest in Spiral Dynamics, or any interest in hearing how Spiral Dynamics and Holosync fit together, please... ...figure out a way to be there. So, how big is the discount Dr. Beck is offering, you ask? Other attendees will be paying $995 for the first 3-days of the training, and $850.00 for the second 3 days--$1845.00 total. If these other people attend both parts, they pay $1,600.00--a bit of a discount. You, however, as a Centerpointe participant, receive a much better deal. If you attend both the Level One Certification and the Level Two Emergence Certification, you can attend both parts... ...for just $1200! And, as I said, while you're there, I was thinking that we'd get all the Centerpointe attendees together and go out to lunch or dinner together so we can talk about what WE like to talk about, and get to know each other better. There's much more I could tell you about what you'll learn, but the Spiral Dynamics people have put it all in a web site for you. You can find out more by going to http://www.spiraldynamics.net/SDiBoulder/index.shtml Go check it out, and then sign up. Once you decide to attend, just download the registration form on the web page above, and return it to any of the addresses on the form (email attachment, fax, or regular mail). Be sure to write on the form that you are with Centerpointe... ...so you can get your discount. When I arrive, we'll get together and decide when and where we can meet as a group and have a meal together. This is going to be a very exciting event, and I look forward to seeing you there. Please, right now, while you're thinking about it, check out the web site and register. The number of seats is limited, especially at this price, so please sign up today. I look forward to our lunch together. Be well. Bill PS: Even if you don't think you can go, please go check out the link: ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ http://www.spiraldynamics.net/SDiBoulder/index.shtml ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ** // ** Announcments Centerpointe Returns to Glen Ivy for Spring 2007 Retreat Though spaces filled quickly for Centerpointe's Fall retreat, there are still spots open for the Spring retreat at Glen Ivy Hot Springs and Spa in Corona, California If you have a big issue you'd like to resolve, if you're in a transition period in your life and you just can't seem to complete it, or if you just want to take things to a higher level--one where you understand more completely how you're creating your life--please, do yourself a favor and come spend a week with me at Glen Ivy Hot Springs and Spa. I promise that you'll have an incredible experience you'll never forget. I tell people they'll receive six months of growth in just 5 days at these retreats, but they keep improving every time, and people now tell me they've received much more than that. I tailor each retreat to the needs of the specific people who attend (which means YOU). My goal is to help you see the ways you may be unconsciously and unintentionally creating your internal and external reality, and how easy it actually is to consciously and intentionally create the life you want, both inside and out. This is your chance to make a big change, and to work with me personally. So visit this URL for more information: http://www.centerpointe.com/retreats And, I guarantee results! Here's the guarantee: Attend the entire retreat. If by the end of the retreat you don't think it was the most incredible growth experience you've ever had, just see me before you leave, and I'll refund your tuition. You do not need to be a program participant to attend (though most people who attend are). (And if you're not a program participant, why the heck aren't you? Quit procrastinating and join.) Visit this URL for more information: http://www.centerpointe.com/retreats Or, you can call retreat coordinator Kate Sparks at 503-906-6027 to learn more about Centerpointe's retreats. Here's what recent participants had to say about Centerpointe's retreats: So much more than I expected...Clear, concise, well-planned. Exceptionally qualified leaders and staff. The greatest investment I have ever made. I have attended many retreats and self-help studies. For 30 years I have studied human behavior. I have never received this much information and this amount of personal change in my life. --Kerry ** You can't imagine the growth I've experienced from Saturday through Thursday. More than six months...I met and fell in love with me. There were so many, many things that happened that I'm so grateful for...Bill's talks and explanations brought everything together from the online course and helped me realize I must put the information into practice in order to benefit from it. I'm so glad I came...Thank you all! --Judy ** Every one of you were so present that I felt like the retreat was just for me --Penelope ................................................................................ 7. Feature Article How To End Suffering By Bill Harris Over the last few months I've talked a lot about the question of who you really are. I've made a case that the separate self you've always thought of as being you is an illusion, and that the real you is nothing less than the entire going on of it all, that it's all one big process, and you're it. The separate self is a handy creation of the mind, but when you forget that you made it up and begin to think it's real, there are a number of consequences, most of which are unpleasant. As long as you have a mind, it's going to do what minds do. It's going to create a map for you, and that map includes a map of who you are. In making that map, your mind is going to create thoughts and feelings and it's going to arbitrarily divide the world into separate events and separate things. It's also going to name those supposedly separate things and events, or create symbols of abstract ideas that represent them. Then, unfortunately, we forget that those names and symbols are not the same as what they represent. Your mind, then, creates an alternate reality, what's really a map of reality. If you forget that it's just a map, you become lost in it, lost in this alternate reality--made up of ideas, concepts, and symbols--created by the mind. Now that you do know about it, however, you have some choices to make. So, assuming you're willing to do the work to get to the point where you can see the mind and what it creates for what it really is, and tap into the no-mind world, where you see the world, and yourself, without seeing it through the filter of the mind--what can you do? A great deal of what I teach is about how to operate in the world of the mind and how to direct what the mind creates, instead of just experiencing what the mind automatically creates. Once you have some facility in directing the mind, it's time to consider the bigger reality beyond that created by the mind--and to explore how to operate in both arenas simultaneously. In Eastern philosophy, there are whole schools of yoga dedicated to developing what are called sidhis, or powers. These powers are the result of learning how to direct the power of the mind--which is a quite substantial power--and in a sense this is what my first online course, The Internal Map of Reality Expander, is about. Once you learn how to direct the mind, and clearly see how the mind creates your reality, it hits you that if the mind can be directed in such a way that it can create an infinite number of possible realities, then what is being created can't be THE reality. What, then, is THE reality? What, you begin to wonder, is behind, and fundamental to, all the possible realities created by the mind? At this point you might begin to realize that if you could get the mind out of the way, perhaps you could see what is behind it. My method for this is meditation, and particularly Holosync(R) meditation, but this is, of course, not the only way to accomplish this. Personally, having tried most of them, I think Holosync is more powerful and also faster, but that's just me. In addition, most of these methods, including Holosync, have many other benefits that affect the world created by the mind, such as improved mental health, better mental abilities, greater well-being, and so on. If you haven't done the work involved to find out how your mind creates your reality, or the work involved to quiet the mind so as to look beyond it, then a lot of this is just theory. But as you do the work, you begin to understand, on an experiential level, the truth of what I'm saying. (By the way, as you study spiritual principles, please don't believe anything anyone else tells you. Instead, FIND OUT for yourself by doing the necessary spiritual practice. Knowing intellectually does you no good. You must eat the strawberry to know how it tastes.) This leads me to what I call my Nine Principles for Conscious Living, a description of how to live in the world of the mind, while also being aware of the no-mind reality. For the next several articles, I'm going to take you through these Nine Principles in great depth. These principles are, in a way, like different facets of the same diamond, different ways of coming at the same thing from different perspectives. You'll see how each principle seems to flow into the next one, and how they're simultaneously the same principle, yet also different. Those of you who've been to a Centerpointe retreat, or who have heard my talks on CD from a Centerpointe retreat have had an introduction to these principles, but now we're going to go into them much more deeply. The first principle is Let Whatever Happens Be Okay. If you can get this one, pretty much everything falls into place. However, there are a lot of ways people misunderstand Let Whatever Happens Be Okay, and most of them have to do with not understanding what I've been telling you over the last several articles--one reason why I've given you so much background before actually getting to these principles. The Three Rules There are three main rules that govern the world created by the mind. (Remember that the world created by the mind is a map of the "real" world, and as such it is a conceptual skeleton of the real world. Still, if used properly, this map can be very powerful and very useful.) The first rule is that all things created by the mind exist in time and therefore change and eventually pass away. In the world of the mind, even if you get what you want, you can't hang onto it, because everything is always changing, coming into being and passing away. The second rule is that sometimes you don't get what you want. And the third rule is that sometimes you get what you don't want. These three rules are behind all suffering you create for yourself. They are another way of saying something I've said before--that there are consequences to creating a reality that denies the interconnectedness of everything and, instead, arbitrarily divides everything into separate things and events. Letting Whatever Happens Be Okay is one of two possible ways to approach these rules. Let's look at the other way first. The other way is to resist these three rules, to fight against them. In previous articles I've called this way The Game of Black and White. Approaching life in this way means that when things change, as they always do in the world of the mind, or, when you get what you don't want or don't get what you do want, you don't like it, and you resist. Of course if you knew that you were making up all those separate things and events, and that you were already the entire universe, the entire going on of it all, none of this would be necessary. But because you make up a world of separation, and because you resist what happens in that kind of world, you experience certain unpleasant emotions, and sometimes certain unpleasant physical symptoms. Sometimes you feel pushed to behave in certain ways, often with unpleasant consequences. You get angry, you become stressed, you become anxious, you become fearful. In some way, you're attached to things being different than they really are, and you show it. This is like beating your head against a wall. Some aspect of the reality you're creating is a certain way, but you want it to be different than it is, and you fume and fuss and suffer over the fact that it is what it is. The second method is to Let Whatever Happens Be Okay. In this method, you may prefer that things not change and pass away. You may prefer that you not get what you don't want. You may prefer that you don't fail to get what you do want. But when one of these three things happens (and they will) you don't emotionally resist. You might take action to change what's happening, or to keep it the same, if that's possible, but you're unattached to the outcome. Inner directed, or outer directed? In the first method, your internal feeling state, your happiness, your inner peace, are dependent on the outcome turning out a certain way. When you let whatever happens be okay, however, your internal state, your happiness and inner peace, are independent of the outcome, even though you may be taking action in order to create the outcome you want. One key to letting whatever happens be okay, then, is the decision that your state be inner-directed versus outer-directed, that you be in charge of whether or not your happiness and inner peace are tied to outer circumstances, or you decide to remain solidly peaceful and happy, regardless of what happens. This decision is independent of whether you do something to try to make things go the way you want, or just passively sit back and don't do anything to influence events. Either way, you've already decided, "whatever happens, I remain happy and peaceful." Buddhists have an interesting way of conveying this same idea. It's said that when Buddha sat under the Bodhi tree and became enlightened, he then went to the Deer Park near Beneres and began to teach what he'd learned to the other ascetics he'd previously been hanging out with. These ascetics were serious meditators who were part of a tradition of detaching from the world of the mind through a process of asceticism, of depriving the body of food, shelter, sleep, or much of anything else, and the mind of any sort of stimulation. Buddha, after his enlightenment experience, thought there was an easier way, and began to teach them what have come to be known as The Four Noble Truths. Why you suffer The first Noble Truth is a good one: all life is suffering--that is, when lived in a certain way. In fact, I already told you about the first Noble Truth when I told you the three rules of the world created by the mind: that all things are in time and eventually pass away, that you sometimes don't get what you want, and that you sometimes get what you don't want. These are the reasons why people who are caught in the world of the mind suffer. If you don't get what you want, and you resist that this has happened, you suffer. If you get what you don't want, and resist it, you also suffer. And even if you do get what you want, since everything changes and ultimately passes away, you suffer over that--if you resist. So what exactly is resistance? Since resistance is something you do, what exactly are you doing when you resist? Resistance is nothing more than making internal representations of what you do not want. This is the "how" of resistance. When you resist, you make internal pictures of, have internal dialog about, or in some other way make a mental representation of what you do not want. And, whenever you do this, you feel bad in some way--in other words, you suffer. So the first Noble Truth is an encapsulated description of why humans suffer. If you don't get Employee of the Month (i.e., you don't get what you want), and you resist, you suffer. If you get fired as an employee (you get what you don't want), and you resist that, you suffer. And even if you get Employee of the Month and lunch with the boss, next month it will be over, and if you resist that this, like all things, will pass away, you also suffer. The second Noble Truth speaks to the cause of suffering--that suffering is caused by clinging, or attachment. The other side of the coin is true, as well, that resistance or aversion causes suffering. In other words, wanting something you can't have or not wanting something you do have are both the same thing, and both lead to suffering. Either way, you're making internal representations of what you do not want. (Notice, by the way, that you must adopt the perspective of being separate in order to either cling to or not want something that seems to be outside of you.) Act without attachment Again, clinging, resistance, and attachment are all descriptions of the emotional response you create and experience when you make internal representations of what you don't want--what the Buddhists describe as clinging (or it's polar opposite, aversion). You can, however, take action without clinging to, or being resistant to, the outcome. Having a preference might motivate you to act, but to do so in a way that doesn't involve suffering (in other words, that doesn't involve making internal representations of what you don't want). I'll make this distinction more clear in a moment. The second Noble Truth, then, is that the cause of suffering is attachment, clinging, resistance. The third Noble Truth states that suffering can be ended by giving up attachment. In a way, the principle of Letting Whatever Happens Be Okay is a statement of the third Noble Truth: if you let whatever happens be okay, if you are not attached to the outcome (or averse to the outcome), you don't suffer. Let's look at this third Noble Truth a little more closely. The third Noble Truth very clearly implies that suffering does not come from your circumstances; it comes from your clinging to circumstances being a certain way. This is a very weird idea to most people, because it really does look as if circumstances cause your feelings and reactions. Recall, however, my discussion of your Internal Map of Reality, where information comes in through your senses (i.e., you have an experience), you filter it in various ways (deleting, distorting, and generalizing what comes in), and then make an internal representation with whatever is left over. These internal representations directly lead to your internal states and your behaviors, and these lead to your results in life. Most people are aware of the original sensory experience, and then the resulting internal state or behavior. Everything in between (the filtering, the making of internal representations, and the resulting generation of internal states and external behaviors) happens out of most people's awareness. Since this entire creative process is invisible to most people, it looks as if the outside event causes the state or behavior. In reality, how the brain processes the outside event creates your internal states and your behaviors. If your processing involves clinging or resistance (making internal representations of what you don't want), you create suffering. It's not the circumstances, it's the process Let's say we have a factory. The raw materials--wood for instance--go in one door, and later, the completed products--let's say, picnic tables--come out the other end. You're watching from a hill overlooking the factory, and you see the wood going in one end, and the picnic tables coming out the other. The actual factory, however, is hidden by trees and what happens inside is invisible to you. You might think, then, that the wood somehow caused the picnic tables, even though it's what went on inside the factory that caused the wood to become picnic tables. If the process inside the factory had been different the wood might have become doors, or porch swings, or baseball bats. So it's how circumstances are processed in your mind that creates how you feel and behave in each moment. If you process experiences by clinging or resisting, you create suffering. If, like most people, the processing going on in your Internal Map of Reality is unconscious, if your internal processes are invisible to you, you'll create the impression that circumstances caused your suffering (called "being a victim"). When Buddha says that suffering is caused by attachment, clinging (or resistance), he's saying that when you process outside events in a certain way, you suffer. When you process outside events by resisting the fact that what is will eventually pass away, or by not wanting things to be the way they are, you suffer. Furthermore, if you give up clinging, attachment, and resistance, if you process what comes in through your senses in a different way, you end suffering. Be very clear, though, that suffering does not come from what is being resisted or by what you are attached to or resist--even though it might look that way--but rather from the resistance or the attachment itself. This is a key point. It means that no matter what the situation, you can process what is going on in a way that avoids suffering. "But I have no choice!" Most people, though, make the assumption that certain situations are inherently suffering-inducing, and that there's nothing you can do about it. If you have physical pain, they say, you have no choice but to resist it, and no choice but to suffer. If your child dies, you have no choice but to be attached to your child remaining alive, and no choice but to suffer. When you come to the end of your own life, you have no choice but to be attached to life, to resist death, and to suffer over the fact that death is coming. Please do not misunderstand. I'm not saying that it isn't normal to grieve when a loved one dies, or that it isn't "okay" to do so. Of course it is. What I am saying, however, is that whatever suffering you experience in such a situation is a choice, and that choice is created by what you do inside, not by the situation itself. You certainly might choose (assuming you are choosing, rather than just responding automatically) to grieve and feel bad. If one of my children died, I suspect I would grieve and feel bad for a time. However, I would also acknowledge that I am choosing to do this, and that another choice is available. And perhaps it's possible to grieve without resistance, without attachment. Let's look at this more closely. If you have physical pain, you have a choice. You can resist it, or let it be okay. The sensation of pain will be there either way, but the suffering is there only if you resist. Three kinds of intensity Pain is a type of kinesthetic intensity. But there are three kinds of intensity: positive intensity, the kind you like, as with an orgasm, for instance; negative intensity, the kind you don't like, as with physical pain; and neutral intensity, where the experience is intense, but you don't see it as either positive or negative (remember that the dividing line between all polar opposites, including positive or negative, is arbitrary, and that nothing is intrinsically positive or negative). So what is neutral intensity? It's what happens when something is intense and you neither cling to it nor resist it. Instead you take the perspective of the neutral watcher, what I call witnessing--something we'll look at in great depth in a later article. There is, then, a tendency to cling to things that the mind sees as having positive intensity--to cling to pleasure--and to resist things that the mind sees as having negative intensity--to resist pain. In both cases, there could be suffering. With positive intensity, we might mourn the fact that the pleasure eventually ends. We make internal representations of what we don't want (losing the pleasure), and this generates an unpleasant internal state. With negative intensity, we suffer because we resist it, again by making internal representations of what we don't want, which again generates an unpleasant internal state. Try this the next time you're in pain: watch the pain, without any agenda to make it stop, but just allowing it and being curious about the sensation. Instead of resisting, just watch. You will find that it will still be intense, but the intensity will not be the same as when you were resisting it. To the degree you can do this, suffering diminishes. You may not believe that this is possible, but it is. There was a very famous saint named Sri Ramakrishna, who died in about 1880. He was a wonderful, amazing being, but he's probably remembered mostly because one of his followers, Swami Vivekananda, was the first Easterner to bring yoga and Eastern spirituality to the West. What's interesting about Sri Ramakrishna in terms of this discussion is that he died of throat cancer. This was before the age of pain medication and modern medical care, and he was in India, too, where the level of medical care, even at 1880 standards probably wasn't very advanced. As he reached the last stages of his illness, his followers noted that he was, as usual, blissed-out and happy--in fact, radiantly so. Ramakrishna was asked a number of times if there was pain, and he said that, yes, there certainly was, and that, in fact, it was very intense pain, as you might imagine. But he was not resisting it. He was established in the watcher state, this state of unity consciousness, where he was seeing everything as a play. The throat cancer was what was happening to his character, but the actor, however, the real Ramakrishna, was the one energy of the entire universe. That Ramakrishna was much more than his human body, and nothing could harm that Ramakrishna. So I offer this as an example of making pain into a neutral thing. And the secret to this is how you process what happens through your Internal Map of Reality, whether when you have pain you focus on what you want or what you don't want. You might say, "Well, yes, he was an enlightened saint. I'm just an average person." I have used this same method myself, though, and it works. I have used it at the dentist, and the more I watched the pain sensation with awareness and curiosity, the more the suffering dissolved. If your body is in pain, and you focus on "I've got to make this pain stop," you have to make internal representations of "pain." By focusing on pain, you create more pain, or at least more intensity of pain. If you focus on feeling good, your brain figures out a way to help you get it, which might be more pain-relieving neurochemicals, or it might be something else. Remember that the key here is that your brain cannot tell what your intention is. If you are focusing on something--which, remember, means making an internal representation of it--you brain always assumes you want it and that it should figure out how to create it. With a little practice, you can develop the ability to watch what is happening from the perspective of the witness, to watch without any agenda, to just watch with curiosity. When we have an unpleasant sensation, whether physical or emotional, we generally leap right to "I've got to make this stop." We instantly begin to resist. This intensifies whatever it is we're feeling. Curiosity is your friend But what if you really were curious about what was happening? You've probably never really watched yourself be angry, for instance, or watched yourself be anxious, or watched any other unpleasant state, in order to really notice what happens. Instead, you become lost in the feeling. Aren't you just a little bit curious to know what is going on when you have these feelings? When I was about 30, I had a girlfriend who used to spend the night from time to time. We once got into a ridiculous fight in the middle of the night over the blankets and who had more of them. The whole thing was very childish and we both ended up extremely angry. I finally went and sat in the living room all by myself, at about 3 AM, fuming. I'd been learning about what I now call witnessing, and after 20 minutes of sitting there consumed by my anger, I decided I would watch the anger instead of being immersed in resisting it. I tuned into my body, and noticed where I was feeling it, and just paid attention to the sensation. I also noticed the thoughts going through my mind. Emotions are really nothing more than sensations in your body, accompanied by certain thoughts, but I'd never really thought about it that way until that moment. This time, I allowed a part of me to sit back and notice all of this from an outside perspective. I notice how the thoughts happened, how they changed, and how that affected the way I felt. I noticed how the feelings in my body happened, where they were in my body, and how they changed and moved. To my surprise, I became fascinated by the whole thing. And, the next thing I knew, I noticed that the discomfort, the anger--everything--was gone. It was very obvious to me that the suffering I was experiencing was caused by my resistance, my clinging to my girlfriend being a certain way. And, I discovered that I couldn't resist and watch at the same time. When I shifted to the perspective of the watcher, the resistance, and the suffering that it caused, fell away. You can't watch and resist at the same time There are a number of things at work here. One is what I just said: you can't watch and resist at the same time. You can either watch or be attached, but not both. If you start to watch yourself being attached, to the degree that you really adopt the watcher perspective, the attachment falls away. Why does this happen? Because resistance doesn't serve you. It isn't resourceful, and you can only do something that doesn't serve you if you do it unconsciously. Watching is being conscious, so when you do something that doesn't serve you consciously, with awareness, you find you can't keep doing it. When I teach the principle of Let Whatever Happens Be Okay, the most typical response I get is that certain things are impossible to let be okay. If a person is dying, or their child is dying, or if a person is going deaf, or something "really bad" is happening, it isn't reasonable to expect a person to let that be okay. My response is that I'm not telling anyone what to do, or what is reasonable to do, or what is easy to do. I'm simply saying that in any situation, to the degree you are able to emotionally let what is happening, or has happened, be okay, you avoid suffering. To the degree you're attached to things being different than they are, to the degree that you make internal representations at such times of what you don't want, you suffer. This is simply a natural law. Suffering is caused by clinging or resistance, and if you stop clinging and resisting, you end suffering. With practice, with intention, and with increased conscious awareness, you can do this. It's a choice. If your child is dying, which has to be one of the most dreadful situations anyone could face, you may lose your child. That this consequence exists is part of the situation, and there's no getting around it. If you add your resistance to the situation, though, you compound the consequences, because now you are adding the consequences of resistance to the consequences already built in to the situation. In any situation, there are consequences, and when you cling to that situation being a certain way, you add more consequences, and these consequences almost always involve suffering. Even in what you might consider a "good" situation, if you're attached to it lasting forever, you'll add suffering to the situation. In my book, Thresholds of the Mind, I told a story about my first ice cream cone. I was three years old, and I was in heaven until I had finished about half the ice cream, at which point I realized that it would soon be gone. I resisted this fact and focused on what I didn't want, which caused me to suffer--and to enjoy the last half of the ice cream much less than I'd enjoyed the first half. I was noticing for the first time that all things are in time and pass away, and that resisting this fact causes suffering. I'm not saying that you should let whatever happens be okay. I'm saying that to the degree that you don't, you will suffer. You are in charge of what you focus on, and you can decide to take the reins of your mind and focus on what you want, or adopt the witness perspective, or both. If you do, you'll avoid suffering. Do I have to be passive? Sometimes people assume that I'm saying they should be detached, that they should numb themselves to what is happening, or ignore what's happening--the equivalent of plugging your ears while you sing "La la la la la la la," as loudly as you can. This, however, isn't at all what I'm saying. The aware person is more alive, not less. She feels everything, and plays her part to the hilt. She plays, however, from the perspective of the watcher, without attachment to the outcome. The type of detachment that happens in psychosis, or schizophrenia, or multiple personality disorders, or even with more simple dissociation, is a way of being less aware, less conscious. The person who is letting whatever happens be okay is very conscious, and is feeling and experiencing everything. They're just not attached to certain outcomes, they are not buying into the idea that to be happy and peaceful things have to happen a certain way. I'm also not saying that you should passively let whatever happens just roll over you. By all means, be proactive. Take action. I'm one of the most proactive, make-it-happen people you'll ever meet. Certainly the Dalai Lama is a very proactive, action-oriented person. The truth is, you can have an outcome in mind, take action to do whatever you can to make it happen, and still be unattached to the outcome. You can prefer the outcome without being attached to it. If this doesn't seem possible for you right now, don't let that bother you. As you practice, and as you continue to use Holosync, it will get easier. Right now, you may be reacting to what happens around you unconsciously and automatically. The first step is to begin to notice those reactions, and at those times to step back and watch, and to focus on what you want, rather than just reacting automatically. As you begin to notice the consequences of your resistance, you'll begin to that neither resistance nor focusing on what you don't want serves you. As you become aware of this, you'll find it more and more difficult to do. There are consequences to everything, and if you can consciously notice these consequences, you'll naturally begin to choose the path with the better consequences. What about motivation? Letting Whatever Happens Be Okay is not about giving up, or losing your motivation. You do not have to be attached to an outcome to be motivated. In fact, being attached to an outcome often generates fear, which kills motivation. One of the main reasons people procrastinate or lose their motivation is that they picture a negative outcome, or they picture the negative part of getting the outcome--the work involved, for instance. Letting Whatever Happens Be Okay actually increases motivation, because you're now doing whatever you're doing for the fun of it. You picture having fun doing it, and getting it. You know right at the outset that it doesn't matter, in terms of your happiness and inner peace, what happens. Ironically, when you Let Whatever Happens Be Okay, you're much more likely to get what you want. This is one of the real ironies of personal and spiritual growth: The less attached you are, the more likely you are to get what you want. In the beginning years of Centerpointe, I really wanted people to respect what I was doing. At Centerpointe retreats I was very attached to wanting participants to like me and to think that I was helping them. Of course, being attached, I suffered whenever someone didn't like me or didn't think that I was helping them. As the years went by, and I became more conscious, I stopped being attached. Ironically, the less attached I was, the more positive feedback I received. But at the same time, I no longer needed it. I no longer cared, at least for myself. I was grateful that I was helping people, but on a personal level I didn't need the adulation. And the less I needed it, the more I got. This is the way life works. The more you let what happens be okay, the more the universe lines up behind you to help you create whatever it is you want to create. On the other hand, the more attached you are, the more likely you are to find a way to screw things up. Every day you have many opportunities to let whatever happens be okay. So practice, and you will get better. At a certain point, you'll find that letting whatever happens be okay has become a habit. At that point, everything will fall into place. Be Well. ................................................................................ 8. Q&A Section Question: Hi Bill I read your first article on [The Law of Attraction] and have been meaning to write for a while. I understand your position on compensation and that's how you see the world--you have to give or invest yourself before receiving back. But there was no mention of morals in what you said. Is your view of compensation morally neutral? So for example if a person was making money exploiting people, say people trafficking where the people are sold into prostitution - the traffickers are making an effort and being rewarded but their morals are at best questionable. But they might make a lot of money doing this so the Universe is morally neutral regarding compensation? My second question is how much is possible. So if I take myself, as a 38-year-old, if I decided to put a lot of effort into remodelling my golf swing and developing myself physically and mentally, using Holosync among other things, eating as healthy a diet as possible, getting support where needed along with whatever else it takes, is it possible that I could reach the professional touring ranks at the top level? Look forward to your reply. Regards Steve Bill's Answer: Steve, Morals take care of themselves. In this, too, the universe's books are always balanced. First of all, if you provide something that someone else thinks is valuable, they will pay you for it--even if it is bad for someone else. I'm not endorsing this. It's just a fact. If you decided to kill people for money, some people might think your sevice is valuable and pay you for it. The person who is trading the money for the goods or services gets to decide whether or not it is valuable to them. If they think it is, they will trade money for it. However, there are consequences to everything. If you do something that lacks integrity--or worse--those consequences, in one way or another, will come back to you. I'm not saying you should do whatever you want, regardless of whether it is hurtful or dishonest, or whatever. I'm just saying that to get something you have to focus on it, take action, and provide value. While you do this, other consequences may also come into play, and certainly if you are creating suffering in some way, you will create suffering for yourself, along with other potential consequences. You may not know what they are, and to observe someone who is creating suffering you might not think they are paying, but I assure you, they are. Ultimately everything is balanced, and every action creates an equal reaction. Be well. Bill *** Question: Hi Bill, Some Eastern philosophies bang the drum that we are all one, that everything is the same thing etc and you very much say the same thing. This to me is a matter of conception and comprehension. The Bhagavad Gita clearly states that each individual has always existed and will continue to exist as an individual. Any object is made up of atoms etc but each of these atoms are individuals. You could say that all the atoms are one....because they are the very makeup of the chair but yet they retain their individuality. It is the same with us, yes we are part of the very makeup of the universe but yet we are still individuals. God is the same, he is both the force and intelligence underpinning everything, including our own individuality and at the same time has both a form and personality. It's like the two sides of the same coin. Some say that, the form and person of God is a creation of the intelligence or mind of God, but actually this isn't so. God has always understood himself as an individual person and form, therefore the person and form is equal to the force and consciousness of God and are non different. We ourselves are also eternal conceptions in the "mind" of God and therefore we are individual souls eternally. Ultimately one could say that Time, Distance and Action are illusions and unreal but this is incorrect and meaningless because Eternal Time, Distance (dimension) and Action are Eternal realities of the consciousness of God and therefore are the only reality. Even this world often rejected as unreal is actually real. Of course it depends on what you mean by Unreal. This world and universe is temporary and not of the same nature as the Eternal Realms (being part of the marginal enery of God) but it is real. That which exists directly from the mind of God is Real; unless you ascribe the term "Unreal" to any temperory thing. Ultimately that which is unreal does not exist. Everything "unreal" exists in some way, even if this way is imagined. The term Unreal is not very helpful and has negative connotations to most people. Perhaps we should simply say that things are not as they seem. When I have finished my book on these matters, I will send you a copy. Regards Allan Bill's Answer: Allen, The difference between your way of figuring out what is so, and my way, is that mine comes from personal experience, while you are geting yours from what someone else has said, in this case in the Gita. I would suggest that instead of making this an intellectual issue, where references are cited, you go inside and do the work to find out whether or not what I am saying is really so. To find out that everything really is one big process, and that all divisions that create individual things and events are really made in the mind, but are found nowhere in the real word, all you need to do is look around. Name one "thing" that is not intimately in inextricabley connected to everything else in the universe. For the wave to think it is separate from the ocean is an illusion. Your description contains many premises, but throughout you assume separation. You are, of course, welcome to see things in any way you want. All I ask is that you find out what is real by doing the same work mystics have done, rather than reading their words, which can be misinterpreted--especially those that were written thousands of years ago, in another culture, and in another language. Be well. Bill ................................................................................ 9. Book Review By Marc Gilson Games People Play By Eric Berne, M.D. Grove Press, 1964 ***If you would like to read more about or order this book click here: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0345410033/centerpointer-20 This month's review is of a classic and influential book on human interaction and psychology by Dr. Eric Berne. First published in 1964, Games People Play has sold over 5 million copies and continues to spark a great deal of discussion, both by psychologists and lay people, about the nature of human communication and how even routine conversations reveal much about the underlying complexities of the human psyche. Berne's premise is simple enough: life can be seen as a series of "transactions" between individuals and groups played out as games, with the stakes being what has become popularly termed "positive strokes." There are literally dozens of games people play with one another. In Berne's use of the term, a "game" is neither good or bad, fun or bothersome (though most of the games described do produce problematic or dysfunctional results). It is simply a model for understanding what we already intuitively know: that human communication is amazingly intricate and often rife with subtle reflections of our internal programming. Berne's own definition: "A game is an ongoing series of complementary ulterior transactions progressing to a well-defined, predictable outcome. Descriptively, it is a recurring set of transactions... with a concealed motivation... or gimmick." The more we can develop an understanding of the covert meanings behind these games, according to Berne, the better equipped we are to play healthier games, rather than those that keep us stuck in dysfunction. Games People Play has its basis in a psychoanalytic theory developed earlier by Berne called Transactional Analysis. Commonly called "TA," it is a refined, though perhaps even more pragmatic, version of Freud's triadic composition of the "Id," "Ego," and "Superego," using instead three ego states called "The Parent," "The Adult," and "The Child." The dynamics of communication are diagrammed in TA according to the various possible configurations. For example, in certain circumstances, Bob's "Parent" may be communicating to Jim's "Child." Or, Mary's "Adult" may be attempting to communicate to Carol's "Parent." The theory itself is far more sophisticated than can be described here, but it serves as a solid backbone for the ideas presented in Games People Play. (Those of you who have taken Life Principles Integration course #3 "The Success Solution," will note that Bill Harris uses aspects of Berne's Transactional Analysis in the course lesson materials. For more info, visit www.centerpointe.com/life/preview) Roughly the first third of Games People Play is devoted to an introduction to Transactional Analysis and other aspects that serve as a backdrop to understanding how these games work. The remainder of the book focuses on the games themselves--over thirty of them--and on a deeper analysis of the significance of the games and those who play them. (It should be mentioned that while a thorough understanding of TA is not completely necessary to understand the meanings of the games, Berne does present each game within the context of the TA model.) With allowances for the rather dated language of the book, Berne communicates his ideas lucidly, and most readers will find the material easy to read and digest. Games are presented with social scenarios as examples of how each one plays out. Reading the descriptions of the games is not only fascinating, but for many readers, challenging, as virtually everyone will notice various renditions of games they've managed to become good at playing in their own lives; games that may cause one to become sharply aware that their seemingly direct communication style really harbors a world of information about their internal agendas, programming, and even their upbringing. So although Games People Play is not a true "self-help" book by most conventional standards, it can serve as a powerful tool (or mirror) in the hands of those willing to explore their own relationships and sense of self through the games Berne presents. An example of one of the games Berne discusses is "I Am Only Trying To Help You." This game is sometimes played between a therapist and client (but can be applied to other kinds of transactions as well). With "I Am Only Trying To Help You," the underlying belief of the therapist is that people are ultimately ungrateful or disappointing. So as he or she offers advice or suggestions, the client returns with the news that the feedback was unhelpful or failed to result in the desired outcome. The therapist may offer another suggestion (while holding to the underlying belief), with the same result. As the therapist recognizes his or her own frustration and bewilderment arising (the "payoff," according to Berne) the game is completed with the spoken or unspoken idea that, "I am only trying to help you." Interestingly, many of the games are actually defined not so much by what is expressed or withheld but by what the individual playing the game is truly focused on. If you are a Centerpointe Participant you'll likely notice that one thing most games have in common is that they're engendered on an unconscious level and can only really manifest when we remain unconscious of them. Berne has been criticized on occasion for presenting what, on the surface, might look like a rather cynical view of the human condition. That all our "transactions" are ultimately nothing more than clever attempts at manipulating or controlling circumstances, often at the expense of others, makes for an unsavory picture of who we really are and are striving to be. But Berne's message allows for optimism: "For certain fortunate people there is something which transcends all classifications of behavior, and that is awareness; something which rises above the programming of the past, and that is spontaneity; and something that is more rewarding that games, and that is intimacy." Readers will find Games People Play to be an original, insightful, and eye-opening discourse on the deeper dynamics of human communication. A must-read for any student of human nature. ***If you would like to read more about or order this book click here: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0345410033/centerpointer-20 (For another fascinating book on Transactional Analysis, consider "Scripts People Live: Transactional Analysis of Life Scripts" by Claude M. Steiner http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0802132103/centerpointer-20 =//=